Game of Thrones
Garden of Bones

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A- | 3 USERS: A-
Bucket of Rats

Littlefinger and Catelyn, still at Renly's camp. She's mad at him, since she blames him for Ned's death. Littlefinger swears he wasn't treacherous and practically begged Ned to quit screwing around with the issue of Joffrey's parentage and just be a good Hand. That's a nice claim, but I distinctly remember seeing Littlefinger with his knife to Ned's throat. He takes this opportunity to tell her, "I've loved you since I was a boy. It seems to me that fate has given us this chance." So his big romantic move is to tell her that "fate" killed Ned? Catelyn pulls out a knife and tells him to get out. That's about the best result he could hope for, really. Littlefinger returns to weaseling, which is really his strong suit: "Do you want to see your girls again? Sansa, more beautiful than ever? And Arya, just as wild as ever?" He says they're both healthy and safe for now, because it would be bad for business to go around admitting they don't have Arya at King's Landing. He claims that he fears for the girls' longevity if they remain in the capital with Cersei and Joffrey around. Well, that's not entirely wrong; at the very least, Joffrey's bound to accidentally maim Sansa at some point. She lowers the knife and asks what he wants. Well, his proposal is to trade Jaime Lannister for the two girls. She says that Robb would never approve that. That's why Littlefinger brought it to Cat instead. And he brought a token of Tyrion's goodwill, to demonstrate that it's offered in good faith. Two people bring in a chest. She opens it. And inside is Ned's body. Littlefinger says Ned should rest with his family in the crypts below Winterfell. Cat tells him to get out again, but this time she just seems overwhelmed with emotion. Hey, who doesn't want a box full of her dead husband? I bet that thing smells great! And I bet it's a delightful sight to open it up and see his severed head (with a big hole on top for the pike it was mounted on), resting on the rest of his moldering body. It's gross, is what I'm saying.

Back at Harrenhal, Arya's asleep in chains, but knights are shouting and pounding on things to wake everyone up. The one who picks each day's winner shows up. Oh, it's the Mountain, brother of the Hound! Everyone averts their gaze, but Hot Pie boldly looks him in the eye. He explains to Arya that this guy he just met always looks him in the eye and never gets picked. So when the Mountain shows up, Hot Pie stares at him. The Mountain looks over the crowd and grabs the only other person looking at him, who's the genius who recommended this plan to Hot Pie. Hot Pie looks down to see himself wetting his pants. Oh, Hot Pie. Will you ever learn? Or will you get killed, preferably soon? I have nothing against the character; I just think the name "Hot Pie" is silly.

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Game of Thrones




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