Game of Thrones
Kissed by Fire

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A | 11 USERS: A+
Fire and Water

To the Snow! As in Jon Snow, who is carrying bundles of wood through actual snow when he's stopped by Tormund Giantsbane. That's a fancy name, but really, he's just a big guy with a red beard. Orell says there are crows patrolling the Wall, which shouldn't come as a surprise. That's what they do! Jon has to give up some information to make it look like he's not still with the Night's Watch, and he says there are two builders and two rangers in each patrol. The builders repair the wall and the rangers, you know, range. There's no fixed schedule, although Jon thinks he could help more if he knew where they were going. Tormund won't tell him, because he still doesn't trust him. Orell asks how many of the nineteen castles are manned. Jon says there are only three: Castle Black... and then he pauses for a long time. Eventually, he says the other two are Eastwatch-by-the-Sea and the Shadow Tower. Ooh! I want to work at the Shadow Tower! That sounds pretty cool. I'm also pretty excited at the news that there are sixteen unoccupied castles out there. You could just go live in a castle that no one else wants! The Wall is a lot like Detroit. Jon says there are a thousand people at Castle Black and Orell calls him a liar. So Jon threatens to kill him and wonders what happens to his eagle after Orell dies. Does it just fall to the ground or does it fly away? Well, that depends on whether it's following the rules of Familiars or if it's just a regular eagle that Orell occasionally possesses. Ygritte steps forward to defend Jon and Orell tells her, "Just cause you want him inside you doesn't make him one of us." Ygritte pulls her knife. Tormund shoves Orell aside (he's really not that intimidating) and tells Jon that he likes him, but that won't stop him from pulling Jon's guts out through his throat. That doesn't sound very efficient. Jon repeats himself: "A thousand men." Tormund is willing to accept this for the moment, but he doesn't seem like he really believes Jon: "We'll find out soon enough." Thanks to Futurama, I can't hear that sentence without immediately answering, "That's not soon enough!"

Ygritte walks away. Jon whines that he doesn't need Ygritte to defend him. "Of course you do," she tells him. And she's right! She claims he owes her a debt, then she steals his sword and runs into a cave. It's a nice cave, too! There's a waterfall and a hot springs and everything. I can't believe everyone's out there in the snow with this right next to them. She sticks a torch in the ground and tells him it's time for him to start breaking his Night's Watch vows. Specifically, the vow against sexy-making. Then she gets naked. Owoo. He tells her, "We shouldn't." She answers, "We should." She kisses him. This is a reasonably consensual sex scene! Good for you, television show. She asks, "Why are you still dressed? You know nothing, Jon Snow." Then she gets distracted by something he's doing below the screen. With... um, with his mouth. Use your imagination. Jon certainly is.

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Game of Thrones




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