Game of Thrones

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A- | 5 USERS: A
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You Need Me on That Wall!

This week, according to the credits, we will be visiting King's Landing, Winterfell, the Wall, and Vaes Dothrak. Just like last week. I was imagining a lot more travel, so that the map would constantly be showing different locations. Maybe it's a slow build-up. Incidentally, some people have asked why each location is built up via some sort of clockwork apparatus, so here's my theory: the clockwork represents determinism. I'd elaborate on that, but it's not going to start making more sense if I explain my thought process. So let's just get through these credits together and get on with some Throne-Gaming.

The royal procession arrives at a place that I can only assume is King's Landing. I mean, that's where it was going, so it's not a huge stretch. Plus, it's not any of those other places from the credits. Now that we get some exteriors, it has kind of a Middle Eastern feel to it, if that makes sense. Lord Stark dismounts from his horse and is immediately told that someone named Pycelle has called a meeting. For the record, Pycelle's full title is "Grand Maester Pycelle," which suggests that he has a side project as frontman of an old-school rap group. Jory is told to go with the girls. This confused me for a second, because I was thinking of a character named "Ser Jory" from the video game Dragon Age. This Jory is probably also a "Ser," come to think of it. That's completely different from "Sir," because it means that this is a different world. Lord Stark has the opportunity to change into something more appropriate for a council meeting, but he doesn't understand the concept. Because he's a dusty, battle-hardened man of action. He's also someone who can ride all day for months and get right to work, I guess.

Ned walks into an enormous throne room, which I can identify by the big throne up there. It's just that kind of insight that brings you here, right? Show me a room with a throne, and BAM! The computer that lives in my brain just spits the name "throne room" out. It's a gift. The throne, in case you haven't seen it in all the advertising, is made of a lot of swords welded together. It doesn't look comfortable. Or even safe. I wonder when they decided to build it? I mean, you can't just stick two swords together and call it a throne, so they must have had a pretty big pile somewhere. Then the old throne collapses, and they're looking around for something to make an impressive chair out of, and the blacksmith says that he's applied for a public art grant, and then you get a throne? And then when new swords show up, someone just sticks them onto the back or something. That's my theory.

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Game of Thrones

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