Whoops! Back to the Wall. Snow is putting some weapons back on the racks when some of his fellow recruits would like a word with him. When a conversation starts with "You broke my nose, Bastard," it's probably not going to get better. Indeed, one of them grabs Snow from behind while another puts a knife to Snow's throat. Tyrion enters to calm everything down with his trademark friendliness. He receives a snarled, "What you looking at, half-man?" with an amiable explanation that he's looking at all of them, and has devoted some time to memorizing their faces. Faces, he adds, which would look lovely decorating King's Landing. They leave, snarling and muttering. Snow complains to Tyrion that he was the only one who told him that the Wall would be filled with thieves and rapers and general lowlifes, and he didn't listen. Tyrion drops some backstory on the other recruits, like how this one was arrested for stealing a wheel of cheese or that one was abandoned by his parents as a baby. He points out that the reason Snow is better at fighting than everyone else probably has something to do with the way he grew up in a castle with a personal fight trainer. Oh, and now that he's made Snow feel like a jerk, here's a note about Bran.
In that whorehouse, Catelyn tells Ned that Littlefinger is "like a little brother" to her, and that he's "a true friend." He kind of lurks in the background of these shots, wondering how he can get out of the "little brother" zone and into the "Oh, Littlefinger, I must leave my boorish husband for you!" zone. So of course he'll help!
Elsewhere in King's Landing, Cersei yells at Jaime for throwing Bran out the window. I didn't hear her making a suggestion at the time. I think what she's mostly mad about is that he didn't stab Bran first, although it seems like that would cause even more suspicion. Jaime is not as stressed out as Cersei, and figures that since the kid hasn't said anything yet, maybe he won't. Besides, he thinks he can probably out-think a ten-year-old. And if everything blows up and the twincest becomes generally known, maybe he'll go to war with the king. He names this potential war "The war for Cersei's cunt," because, again, HBO. Are you blown away by the edginess yet? Anyway, he vows to kill lots and lots of people for her. Andwhat else can you ask for from your twin brother?
Robert has himself a kingly feast, which he enjoys while talking about all the people he's killed. The Hound is there, and he obediently participates in the reminiscences. The first man he killed was with a lance through the heart. Ah, good times. Robert's was in a battle after his horse died: "He came running at me, this dumb high-born lad, thinking he could end the rebellion with one swing of his sword." Then Robert smashed him with his hammer, which took while because he had to cave in the armor. And so we don't forget how the king is, he ends his story with, "They never tell you how they all shit themselves. They don't put that part in the songs." Robert sounds like he envies the boy for being dead. It's subtext, but I guess this parallels Bran's wish to be dad from earlier. He demands some wine from the kid who's standing there with a pitcher. It's a Lannister (Lancel Lannister, which the king thinks sounds like he was named by a halfwit with a stutter) and he's out of wine, which is never the best way to get on a king's good side. Robert demands more, then shouts out the door at Jaime Lannister, who's been waiting patiently, "Kingslayer! Get in here!" Robert complains about being surrounded by Lannisters, their blond hair, and their smug, satisfied faces. Jaime looks smug and satisfied. With his blond hair. Robert tries to shame Jaime by talking about how he has to wait at the door, but it's not clear that Jaime understands how to feel shame. He asks about Jaime's first kill, and it was some outlaw. There were no last words, because Jaime cut his head off. Well, how about talking about Aerys Targaryen? Robert would like to know what his last words were. "Did he call you a traitor? Did he plead for a reprieve?" Jaime answers politely, 'He said the same thing he'd been saying for hours. Burn them all." Well. Huh. Jaime excuses himself.