Arya Stark really wants to kill Sandor Clegane, but she's a little leery of actually trying anything that might enrage him. Then he tells her he's not working for King Joffrey anymore, and he's taking her to The Twins to ransom her to Robb and Catelyn. This doesn't make her any less homicidal, but at least now she's willing to go along with him for awhile.
Daenerys's plan to attack Yunkai runs into a snag when they hire a very expensive mercenary army called the "Second Sons" to protect them. Daenerys has the three captains of the Second Sons over for a meeting, but things don't go as well they were hoping. The captains mostly talk about how they're going to rape Daenerys and enslave her entire army. Daenerys sends them away with a barrel of wine, and then the pretty one comes back with the heads of the other two. So now she's got another army at her disposal and we still haven't seen the inside of Yunkai.
Melisandre has taken Gendry to Dragonstone, where she's got creepy plans involving his blood. Stannis lets Davos out of the dungeon in time for him to say that this kid shouldn't get sacrificed. So instead, Melisandre sexes him up a little, then ties him up. And then she brings out the leeches! And Gendry does not like where she puts them! Stannis throws the leeches in the fire as he says the names of the other people who say they're king: Balon Greyjoy, Robb Stark, and Joffrey Baratheon.
The big event of the episode is the marriage of Tyrion to Sansa. Neither of them is happy about it, but they put on a brave face. It's a very nice ceremony, although Joffrey steals Tyrion's stepstool and then laughs at him. And then at the reception, he threatens to rape Sansa. So he's still the worst. Also at the reception, Tyrion gets really drunk and obnoxious, which is kind of understandable. He's probably just sad he missed the awesome little moments, like Olenna Tyrell boring her grandchildren by trying to figure out what their family tree will look like. Or Cersei absolutely shutting down Loras Tyrell when he tries to empathize with her. The reception ends with Joffrey insisting that Sansa be stripped naked and carried to her bed. That's apparently a tradition, but Tyrion threatens to cut Joffrey's dick off, so he has to act extra-drunk to get out of it. When Tyrion and Sansa are alone, Tyrion decides not to have sex with her until she actually wants him to. So that's nice, that he decided not to rape a fourteen-year-old girl.
Sam and Gilly are still in the frozen wastes of the north, and they pass time by hiding in a shack and talking about what to name Gilly's baby. Then all the crows go crazy and they're attacked by a snow zombie. It shatters Sam's sword instantly, but do you remember that weird dragonglass dagger he had? It turns out that those kill snow zombies instantly. So that's an important safety tip to keep in mind.
The credits once again contain King's Landing, Harrenhal, Riverrun, Winterfell, the Wall, and Yunkai. That's the same sentence I started the last recap with. Clever, right? Because the credits didn't change? Ah, never mind. Let's get on with it.
Arya wakes up next to a rock about the size of her head. She picks it up and carefully carries it over to Sandor, who's sleeping next to a tree. As she's lifting it, but before she can smash it down on his unprotected skull, he opens his eyes and says, "I'll give you one try, girl. Kill me and you're free. But if I live, I'll break both your hands." She considers it, which I think speaks well of her determination to kill everyone who has wronged her.
But she appears to have chosen to bide her time, because now she and Sandor are riding a horse. Arya's in front, and she's riding side-saddle. Except without the saddle, if you see what I mean. Sandor tells her she's lucky to be with him, rather than with someone worse. She says there's no one worse than Sandor, and he tells her about his brother, who kills children. And the rapists he saved Sansa from. Arya claims not to believe that he saved Sansa, because she only knows about Sandor as the looming Hound. So when they get to a big body of water, she thinks it's the Blackwater and that she's being taken back to King's Landing. Sandor explains that he quit his old job, but he does it in a colorful and colloquial manner: "Fuck Joffrey. Fuck the Queen." This is actually Red Fork, which is on the way to The Twins. Sandor's taking Arya to Robb and Catelyn, who will pay for Arya's return. Arya doesn't even know why everyone's going to The Twins, because she hasn't heard about the social event of the season. Sandor catches her up: "Your uncle's marrying one of the Frey girls. So quit trying to bash my skull in, and we just might make it there in time for the wedding." Arya quiets down a little, but she's probably still thinking of nothing but murder all day.
Riders gallop through the desert, so it's time to check in on Daenerys. She's still outside Yunkai. These riders are a new army that has been hired to defend the city. Selmy says mercenaries can't be trusted, but Jorah says they can if they're paid enough. These are the Second Sons, led by a Braavosi named Mero. He also calls himself "The Titan's Bastard," which is a pretty cool epithet. There are 2.000 men in the army, and they're all armored and mounted. Selmy says that's enough to make a difference in the upcoming fight (in which Daenerys has 8,000 Unsullied). Daenerys says it's hard to collect money from a corpse, so she'd like to talk to the Titan's Bastard. Her theory is, "A man who fights for gold can't afford to lose to a girl." Considering the losers in this kind of war tend to get killed, I don't think anyone can afford to lose to anyone, really. No one's going to hire a corpse, regardless of who killed him.