Hey. A comet. Probably the same one, right?
A bunch of torch-wielding mooks hang out on a beach somewhere. Led by a woman with red hair, they chant about how the night is dark and full of terrors. Someone with elaborate muttonchops wants her to stop. He's mad that they're not following the gods of their ancestors. The lady tells him she smells fear. "You want to stop me? Stop me." He does not. Then she goes on about the ancient books. There's going to be a sword called Lightbringer! Then she talks to Stannis Baratheon, who is Robert's brother. Stannis takes a flaming sword from a burning statue. Then he shoves the sword in the beach and everyone chants at him. Stannis walks off and everyone follows. One bald guy rolls his eyes at the whole deal. Muttonchops thinks this will lead them to a war they can't win. But Baldy will follow his lord, his king wherever. He's named Davos, and asks, "What's the truth?" I'm making him sound like a philosopher, but really he's a hard-bitten mercenary type. I guess he could be both.
Stannis is dictating a letter about how Joffrey is really the son of Cersei and Jaime. In the process, he objects to the phrase "my beloved brother Robert," since he didn't love him. He also wants Jaime called "The Kingslayer." But it has to be "Sir" Jaime Lannister because he wants to give him his due. So we've established that Stannis respects the Way Things Are Done.
Anyway, all the Lannister kids were pure Lannister so he doesn't accept Joffrey as king. He wants his message sent all over the kingdom. He won't make peace with Renly (the other Baratheon brother, last seen slipping out of King's Landing with the Knight of the Flowers) while Renly calls himself king. The lady says that Stannis has no need for ships or allies. Davos recommends allying with Robb for tactical reasons. Stannis says, "They'll bend the knee or I'll destroy them." Muttonchops says that the Lord of Light will watch over them, since they've all agreed to turn their back on the old gods. He wants everyone to drink. I like how obvious it is that he's poisoned the wine. He drinks from his own cup and hands it to Creepy Lady. She does not drink and Muttonchops staggers. She drinks deep and Muttonchops drools blood. Down goes Muttonchops! She repeats the line about how the night is dark and full of terrors, then tells him "...but the fire burns them all way." He's dead. Now I'm glad I didn't learn his name. I'd like to officially know hers, though. I can't keep calling her Creepy Lady while Bran's still got Crazy Lady around. That would just be confusing. And it feels sexist, although I swear they haven't told us either lady's name. I might look their names up and just pretend they used them on the show, but that seems like the sort of thing that would screw up the purity of the recap. The next thing you know, I'm just throwing in scenes from three books away. [Note: Just in case: It's Melisandre. -- Rachel.]