Game of Thrones
The Pointy End

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: A | 4 USERS: A
Not Today

Catelyn and Sideburns arrive at the Stark encampment. Sideburns points out the summer snow, which I still don't entirely accept. Keep your zombie and dragon skulls; I want an explanation for how years and seasons work in here. Down in the tents, Robb reports that the river lords are falling back with Jaime at their heels, and that Tywin is bringing another Lannister army up from the south. This sort of detailed war recap is hard to make interesting, and I speak as someone who has spent hours trying to make people listen to the way I won a game of Risk 2010. Catelyn enters, and Robb is taken aback. And she's a little taken aback to see her little boy planning a war. She announces that she'd like to speak to her son alone, and the Greatjon makes a huge show of hustling everyone out, including Theon, who probably thought he got to stick around. The Greatjon goes off to have manly reminiscences with Sideburns.

Robb tells Catelyn that there was no one else to run the army, and she points out that the tent was full of men who have led armies all over the place. But he won't be sent back to Winterfell. They look over his note from Sansa (Cersei: "From the Queen, you mean.") There's no mention of Arya, which could be taken as good news or bad news. Robb says that he has eighteen thousand men, which sounds like a lot. He briefly brings up the idea of going down to King's Landing to actually bow to Joffrey, but Cersei's pretty sure he'd never get back out alive. So it's definitely war. And if Robb loses, he gets the same thing that happened to the Targaryens: his entire family will be butchered and enslaved. That should probably be "butchered or enslaved," right? Cersei continues to elaborate, "If you lose, your father dies. Your sisters die. WE die." Robb shrugs, "Well, that makes it simple, then."

Sidebar: Where are those jerks who complained that nothing ever happens on this show? We're in episode eight and the king's dead and we've got a full-on war happening! That's more than ever happened on The Honeymooners.

Tyrion, Bronn, and a bunch of Stone Crows come up on the red tents. Shagga threatens that if he doesn't get his weapons and armor, he'll cut off Tyrion's manhood, which Tyrion interrupts with, "and feed it to the goats, yes." Clearly he's been threatening that a lot. Okay, everyone's going together into the Lannister encampment. Tyrion sighs, "Okay. Time to meet my father." By the way, I'd just like to point out that Tyrion was dropped in a hostile wilderness with no money, no weapons, and only one surly retainer. And he walked out the other side with an army at his back. That, in my opinion, is pretty damn heroic. I mean, yes, he paid for his army with credit, but still. It shows resourcefulness and spirit.

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Game of Thrones




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