Game of Thrones
Valar Dohaeris

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B+ | 12 USERS: A-
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Creepy Zombies Are Coming

Speaking of the sea (nice segue, right?), Salladhor leaves Davos on the rocks of Dragonstone. Then Davos goes up in the castle where the action is. That's also where Stannis and Melisandre are. Stannis takes a long time to decide how to react to the revelation that Davos is alive and finally goes with "Heard you were dead." Davos would like to speak to Stannis alone, but Stannis claims they're already alone. Even though Melisandre is right there. He's gotten weird.

Davos says there's still a war to fight. Stannis says, "I am fighting." He's not. He's just standing around and delivering short declarative sentences. Davos straight-up tells Melisandre she's the enemy although she points out all that wildfire wasn't from her. In fact, she says that if she'd been there, she could have protected them. But she wasn't there, which was Davos's fault. She twists the metaphorical knife: "Do you hear them screaming? All those burning men in the water? Crying for their mothers?" And so on like that. Davos pulls his dagger and gets sent to the dungeons... I guess there were also a couple of guards in that scene, but I didn't notice them until they were dragging Davos away. To be fair, I don't think Davos noticed them either.

Joffrey is being carried in a box through the narrow alleys of King's Landing. The box gets set down, which worries him. He peeps out through the cracks in the box to see that they've stopped because of Margaery Tyrell, who's also in a box. The really glamorous way to travel is "in a box," you know. Margaery gets out of her box and walks out in the actual street before she's stopped by the ugliest man in Westeros. She walks around him and a gross mud puddle. Her handmaiden is distressed at what the puddle might do to her dress, but she cheerfully says she has other dresses. Joffrey declines to get out and talk to her. He's going to spend the next scene cowering in his box because the people of King's Landing hate him. Look, writers, you don't need to go to this much effort. We all already hate Joffrey about as much as it's possible to.

Margaery goes into an orphanage so she can talk to children whose parents died in the recent battle. She teaches one that the way to think about the situation is, "Bad men wanted to come into this city and do terrible things, but your father stopped them." Then she gives the kid a toy knight to remember his father by. The kid objects, "He wasn't a knight. He was just a soldier." Margaery says that soldiers did basically what knights are supposed to do, so it's the same thing. She tells the whole crowd, "Under King Joffrey's leadership, your fathers saved the city." Her ladies start handing out toys to every child, as she tells them that now they're wards of the state. She comes back into the street, beloved of all the orphans. She tells the nearest adult to come directly to her for anything she needs. I can only assume that she has a long-term plan where she takes over Westeros with an army of orphans. Or maybe there's a prophecy we haven't heard about where an orphan with a special birthmark will appear, and she wants to make sure she gets dibs on all the candidates.

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Game of Thrones

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