Fall Pilot Season: Gary Unmarried

by Angel Cohn September 25, 2008
Gary Unmarried Premiere

The show starts by panning in on a giggling couple in bed. He's begging to see it. And even though they're fully clothed, it's apparent that if he's talking about seeing her private parts, it's pretty apparent that they've already been down that road. He, Gary (Jay Mohr) tells her, Vanessa (Jaime King), that he's never seen the "it" in question in the light. He promises to show "it" the utmost respect. So she smirks and turns over so he can examine her tramp stamp. Which is apparently a pink skull. She tries to dismiss it as folly of her misspent youth. And then we get some the "racy" dialogue:

Gary: "It's edgy, yet feminine."
Vanessa: "It's slutty and you know it." (Yeah, wear that tramp stamp like a badge of honor.)
Gary: "You're not a slut." Vanessa: "Really? I just spent the night with the guy I hired to paint my condo." (Hey, at least he has a job!)
Gary: "That would make you more of a whore."

She fakes annoyance. He tells her he wants to take her to the lake house that he's painting for the weekend. Ah, romance. Vanessa puts two and two together and decides that her one wild, whorey night must have been pretty memorable if he wants to whisk her away to someone else's cabin. He jokes that he has to check the video tape before he can make an official ruling. Oh, good lord. And she finds this endearing. Just then the front door slams. Panic ensues. Who could it possibly be? Oh, it's Gary's two children. He left that information out when he was trying to get in her pants. She gets pouty mad at him. He reveals that he's got two kids and an ex-wife (who he claims "might be a Nazi.") Are you laughing yet? The laugh track is. Vanessa wants to know why he lied. He says it was more of an omission. He planned on telling her the next time they weren't having sex. Which, again, judging by the fact that they are fully clothed and running around the house, would have been just before the door slammed. Too busy looking at her ink instead to deal with real stuff.

Then Gary starts screaming at his ex-wife through the door. He tells Vanessa that he's been divorced for three months. She's his first post-marriage hook-up and he was going to tell her about his kids but she was "too good to be true" and he was afraid she'd get scared away. I think he raises a good point here. I'm going on record as saying here that I do like Jay Mohr. I find him funny. In fact, he once spit on my husband (accidentally during a comedy show where we stupidly sat in the front table) and I have never laughed so hard in my life. However, if I were the smokin' hot Vanessa and didn't have a host of issues (other than some misguided body art) I'd probably run screaming upon discovering that the goofy guy who makes jokes about videotaping sex has two kids and a crazy ex-wife. So he was probably wise in holding off on the details. That said, she's annoyed that he didn't mention his family. He says she kept secrets too. He learned during their romp (presumably with clothes off) that she was double jointed. She's not. But she doesn't like to complain. Cue hysterical canned laughter.

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