Fall Pilot Season: Gary Unmarried

by Angel Cohn September 25, 2008
Gary Unmarried Premiere

Vanessa walks in to check the color of her fabric against the ugly walls. Dennis advises her to be careful what she touches. She rolls her eyes at Gary and wishes Dennis had told her that yesterday. Gary apologizes. Vanessa doesn't want to get involved, because Gary's not ready. She'd rather just write off their random hook-up. Gary says he's actually ready (but he's so not), but that he and his ex-wife have drawn up a set of dating rules... for the sake of the kids. His mattress dance with Vanessa broke those rules... and some of his personal records. "Two was a personal record?," Vanessa inquires. He's all proud. She should really run screaming in the other direction. But he begs for a second chance. Rules be damned. To her credit, Vanessa does seem skeptical.

Over at Allison's house, Gary walks in and is immediately chastised for not knocking. Gary says he doesn't want to start a fight but that he wants to talk to her about dating. She jokes that she's not interested. I'm bored. I think I like her better when she's being bitchy. This trying-to-be-cute crap is irritating. He makes a dig about their sex life. She starts wagging her finger at him -- literally! -- basically calling him bad in bed. Then he gets back to the point. He's over these rules and doesn't want them to get mad when they start seeing other people. Great. She's getting married. She's been trying to figure out how to break it to him. Now she's proudly sporting her big rock and can't wait to tell the kids.

Who's the guy? Funny you should ask. It's their marriage counselor. Gary thinks he's ancient. She expects congratulations. "Congratulations on marrying the person that we both went to to hold our marriage together." Sounds like someone broke some of the rules. The heart apparently knows no such rules. Convenient. Gary drops the bomb that he's dating someone. Allison presumes he's lying. He's not. He concedes that she's "won," and that her prize is a guy who drives a bike with a windshield. The fake crowd goes wild.

Back at Gary's house, he's putting away groceries with help from Louise, who tells Gary that Tom's got a girl in his room and they're "studying." Is she cute? How could Gary ask his daughter that? She informs him that that's degrading. And now there's a joke about Gandhi being hot. Good times.

Up in Tommy's remarkably clean room is a cute blonde girl, Danielle. Tommy's panicking. They go out in the hall. He's freaking out. Wants a way out. Gary suggests talking to her. Gary gives him a pep talk. It's kinda sweet. Then Gary heads downstairs to get the door, asking Louise for a beer. She doesn't want to be an enabler. He thinks bringing him more alcohol is the solution to this problem. At the door is Dr. Crandall (Ed Begley, Jr.), carrying a bike helmet. Now that everything's out in the open, they can talk. Dr. Crandall offers Gary a chance to beat him up. It's therapeutic! Allison walks in to stop the boys from fighting over her. Gary just looks like he wants to leave the room. Crandall encourages Gary to give him his worst. Gary takes this opportunity to make a snide remark about Allison. The door rings again. Just in time.

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