"Well, sir, it's just that you're incompetent, sir." Encino Man's smile falls. Hard. It's almost sad to watch: "I'm doing the best I can," he says, with more presence behind his eyes than he's ever offered. He's not lying, it's just sad. "Sir? It's not good enough." Jonah Lotan is the king of the universe. Encino Man, looking like he's just been stabbed in the guts, wanders off without meeting anybody's eyes; Casey Kasem shoots death lasers at Doc and leaves too. Everybody giggles. Baptista and Brunmeier congratulate him in Portuguese. It's not that they're different men fighting one war: they're men fighting different wars. If everybody was just like Encino Man and Godfather, it would be fine. That would technically work. And if everybody were like Brad and Nate and Bryan, it would be heaven. Another hundred-hour war. But instead it's a bunch of men speaking different languages and fighting different wars, in different versions of the Corps. Screwby.
The Marines are still rumbling, half about the colors and half about what they represent, all over the camp. Captain America's doing his whole officious "Can you believe how inconvenient reality is being again?" thing he does all the time: "The radios aren't holding the proper GPS time for more than twelve hours! The time keeps drifting! Man, the first lesson that they taught us back in college, when I was working security for Duran Duran and U2, was the primacy of comms..." There is something so fucking irksome about the way he gets offended by how things actually are and does that creepy little titter, I can't describe it. I love his Rambo impersonation and general little-kid obsession with playing dress-up, but there's so much weakness involved in getting mad at reality. I cannot stand that. I think it's my number one thing in all of peopletown: bitching about how things are, and expecting everybody to cosign how fucking victimized you are by that. Kocher walks up to continue today's tradition of speaking truth to power, and as usual Captain America thinks they're BFF and on exactly the same page. "Eric! You'll be happy to know the men and I here were attempting to unfuck the comms. How Battalion expects us to fight a war with this recycled junk is beyond me!" Kocher doesn't blink: "Very good, sir. A word with you? Privately, sir?" Captain America just about does a backflip because it's all so fucking official and realistic.
Captain America stands there off to the side with Kocher like they should be drinking International Coffees and celebrating the moments of their lives: "Eric, what can I do for you?" Kocher cuts him dead. "Sir, it's about the enemy AKs you've been firing from your vehicle. You're endangering us. You're not calling your targets, the AKs sound like enemy fire." Captain America jumps like he's been stuck with a needle; his feelings are hurt. "Jesus Christ, Eric..." Kocher looks him in the eye: "Respectfully, sir? You fire an AK one more time, I'll fuck you up." He finally gets it, the sky is blue, and you can really see everything moving around in his eyes as he tries to put things back together. Encino Man walks up and Kocher tells him everything's getting squared away: "The Captain was helping us unfuck our comms." Kocher thanks Captain America kindly, and leaves.