Get Real

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | 336 USERS: C+
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Meghan and Ferret break off from some conversation they were having outside the School Without Classes so Meghan can pass another "No Railsliding" sign. Cameron stops her and says that he needs to ask her a question and get the "Complete Green Family truth." Meghan shouldn't have to worry too much. Apparently the 'Green Family Truth' has side clauses so you can lie about your age, sexual experience, level of commitment, intent to commit adultery, level of friendship, marriage vows, curfew, punishment, and drug use. Meghan gets outraged. Cam explains that he got an email from Trent bragging about sniffing her bratty panties. Meghan honestly makes the same noise as Kyle's mom to say, "WHAT-WHAT-WHY did he do that?" Cameron says, "I don't know, maybe because he's got this psycho mind game thing, or maybe he doesn't like me." Meghan says that maybe Cam is "flipping for no reason." If my brother got an email from my boyfriend who hardly knows my brother about how far he's gotten with me I wouldn't try to blame it all on my brother. Maybe it's just me. Meghan tries to shush Cam as he goes on about how this guy is obviously a freak. Meghan offers this piece of brilliance: "Cameron, I like Trent, okay? The entire family likes Trent and if you and your Y-chromosome paranoia wants [sic] to get in the way of it, fine. But keep it to yourself." This argument now makes no sense because it's Trent who's spreading gossip and not Cam. Cam asks if Meghan did it and her hair whips around to say that if she had she wouldn't tell Cam but she hadn't. She stomps away as Cameron looks pleased.

Quick cut. "Sykes!" That's Cameron. He drops his backpack on the hallway of the School Without Classes. Sideburns is standing in the center of the hallway in a spotlight, arms outstretched like Robert Downey Jr. in Natural Born Killers right before Mickey and Mallory shoot him. Cameron walks up to Sideburns for the big fronting. They pull out the Homicide camera. Cam puts his hands on his hips, flips his head-grease, clenches his jaw and moseys over to Sideburns. "Meghan said...that nothing happened between you two." Sideburns pouts, "After what we did. Now that kind of comes as an insult." I can't believe this isn't a dream sequence. The spotlight still shines on the two of them as silent zombie students mill around them. Cam takes action. The camera shoots the next line from six different angles like we're officially stuck in an Oliver Stone film. I keep looking around for Mallory, but she must be in Solitary. "Okay, you need to shut up and listen. For me, school is normally this peaceful situation, so when somebody jumps on my face, I gotta think there's a reason. A big reason. What's the reason, tough guy?" Sideburns looks down and says, "Okay. Little league. Bunch a years ago. All-star game. Me? I'm catching for North. You?" "I'm batting for South," Cameron interrupts. They are face-to-face as the Testosterone Guitar is picking up. The edits go back and forth. What? WHAT? This is all about a LITTLE LEAGUE GAME? Are they kidding? Cameron continues his memory. "I remember. I remember you being on my ass the entire game trying to break my concentration and lure me into a fight." "NO!" shouts Sideburns, who is taking this thing way too seriously. He reads his lines like Wesley explaining "To the Pain" to Humperdinck. We're talking full-on face twitches and sneers, fingers pointing all over the place as his sideburns get really outraged about the injustice. "There's a little more to it. Try this: You're on second. The next guy up gets a base hit. You decide to do the Charlie Hustle and come barreling home. And the only thing I can remember after that collision is laying there with a blown-out knee. Looking up at you. Taunting me. Dancing on home plate." Cameron asks what Sideburns wants him to do. Cam says he's sorry. But Sideburns isn't done. "That's all I think about. And it's too late for sorry. Because baseball was all I had. And you took that away from me." You were NINE! GET OVER IT! And it's only getting worse, people.

Get Real

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