Cut to Mitch and Mary in their car. Mary is talking Pregnant Babble about how she's sick of "low-fat this and low-fat that." You know how pregnant women are always talking all crazy and how you just have to ignore them? Well, Mitch ignores her and watches the town's population of high schoolers who have gathered at night around the bleachers. He drives all slow as if he's casing the place.
A group of students stand in a circle cheering. We pan up from their backs to the center of the circle where we see one kid playing Hacky-Sack. Not even good Hacky-Sack. Whatever that is. The ball is just going up and down on this kid's foot, but these kids are whooping and shouting like the Hacky Sack is levitating. We pan up again, and this time we pan down to Ferret, Clay and Meghan sitting on the roof of the one car in the parking lot. Attention! Attention! Will the owner of the only car in the lot, the Red Beetle, please return to your vehicle? Your lights are on. Again, the one car in the lot? Your lights are on. Thank you.
Principal Foreshadowing walks through the football field braving the sprinklers. I don't know what he's looking for, but apparently it's much cooler to be a wet principal.
We cut to Cameron slamming Sideburns into a fence. They roll around on the fence with their teeth clenched. Fence slam. Fence slam. Fence slam. There's a lot of sand-kicking and half-nelsons. They yell in strain.
Principal Foreshadowing stands in the middle of the wet field. They have him at such a distance that they've finally successfully made him look like Morgan Freeman.
Cam and Sideburns hurl themselves into a pile of trash bags and trashcans. They struggle on the ground as the "techno" music chants, "You wanna piece of me? You wanna piece of me? You wanna piece of me?"
The students continue to cheer on their hippie athlete. The Hacky Sack might make two hundred bounces!
Cam and Sideburns are covered in sand and are rolling around clutching each other. Again, if you want to film good homoerotica, then you've got to show us what the hands are doing. I need to see some sweat. Dammit, this is all wrong. At least give me one butt shot. They just keep filming shoulders and backs. Shoulders and backs. Tops of heads. Jaw. Jaw. Shoe.