Cameron is on the Thinking Bench. Kenny walks out as Cam tells him that the only reason Meghan is breaking curfew is to piss him off. Kenny tells Cam not to be such an "Oliver Stone" and that there aren't any "conthpirathy theorieth." He lisps so hard that spit hits Cam on the ear. I don't remember Kenny having this lisp before this episode. Headlights flash on Cam and Kenny as Cam sets his jaw and says, "Well! Fiiii - naah - leee." Kenny makes a few "Mom" jokes at him and Cam gives him a look. I yell, "Hit him!" but it doesn't happen.
Meghan walks in as Mary is sitting down to have a late-night snack in the World's Largest Kitchen. Meghan asks if Mary is waiting up. Mary says she wasn't. Meghan apologizes for breaking curfew and says that there was traffic. "Traffic." That means, "I'm still not good at a hand job." Mary says that Meghan wasn't really that late, so it's not that big of a deal. Her neck cords twitch, so I know that it really pained her to say that. Meghan flips her hair, flips her hair, flips her hair. She says that it's "public knowledge" that Mary and Mitch got "intimate kinda early on." She says that she knows it doesn't give her permission, but she's looking for some perspective. This kicks off a very bizarre conversation in which Meghan asks Mary about when she decided to first have sex. She asks if Mary had sex with Mitch in high school. This is where I realize that I really, really don't want to watch this television show anymore ever. Ever! Everybody say it with me. How old was Mary when she gave birth to Meghan? SEVENTEEN. How long is the gestation period for a human female? So, what is the very earliest she could have been riding the Mitch Pony? And what year of school is that? Remember how Meghan was up for Valedictorian? They must have been kidding. Meghan keeps apologizing and looking uncomfortable as Mary says it's no big deal. Mary says that she did have sex with Mitch in high school, but she already knew he was the man she was going to marry. I guess because she was PREGNANT, since Mitch has already complained that he wasn't ever planning on marrying Mary until she got knocked up. Meghan asks if there was someone else before Mitch. Mary chokes on her Froot Loop and says there was, and that she didn't love him but she did it anyway. Meghan asks if she still enjoyed it. Mary says that in some ways she did (excitement, discovery, etc.) but that there's always this "inner tug of regret" when she looks back on that day because she "shared something special with someone who wasn't special." Now, we all know who this "someone not special" was, and if we remember Mary's reaction to Jacob Perryhill's name during the reunion episode, we know that this boy can still light Mary's fire. We also know that they didn't just do it once. We were treated to several sex-dream flashbacks that episode. It's too bad that Mary feels the need to lie to Mitch and then Meghan about having sex before she ever met Mitch, or even conceived of Meghan. It's Mary's life, for Pete's sake. Mary asks Meghan if Trent is pressuring her. Meghan says she's really pressuring herself. She wants to explore things and what love and sex feel like. She thinks that she can only get sex without love right now and all of her friends are doing it, blah, blah. Mary says that she doesn't need Meghan to "go there" right now because she's aware that Meghan is growing up and attractive and that she's going to have opportunities, but she still considers Meghan to be her "baby girl." She tells Meghan that whatever decision she makes, as long as love is a part of it, she probably won't be disappointed. Meghan asks what if love isn't a part of it. Mary looks shocked and whispers, "Wow." Meghan is ashamed. Mary says that Meghan should think really hard about it because "you don't get a second chance at your first time." This kicks off the five-note Get Real jingle, which they've started kicking off right before the five notes so that it doesn't seem to be the same piece of music every time, but it really is. Meghan thanks Mary for talking and kisses her on the head. They exchange "love you"s as we go to commercial. You know, Debrah and Anne handled this scene really naturally. It's too bad the writing was really terrible, because I think they would have done a good job with it. They at least seemed like two people who cared about each other. If this show could just get some writers, they might be able to salvage something.
Well, Grandma's in the kitchen, so she must be getting ready to talk about sex. Every time they bring up sex they get an elderly person to speak like a member of Limp Bizkit. And right on cue Elizabeth asks, "So, Meghan? You gonna do it?" "Do what?" "Have sex with Trent?" Meghan asks why all of her conversations become public domain. Mary says that when Meghan went to her mom for advice she went to hers as well. Meghan says that even though Sideburns isn't her type she gets a funny feeling when she's around him like she's doing something she's not supposed to. Elizabeth says that Mary knows something about the "dangerous loner" too. Mitch. Meghan's all surprised, and I guess that's because she wasn't around earlier when Mary and Mitch were playing Whose Joint is It, Anyway? Mary says that Mitch was one in a million and that chances are Trent isn't. Elizabeth says that from her experience if Meghan is questioning, then she probably shouldn't do whatever it is that's making her hesitate. There's a way to tell a girl to go for her dreams, huh? Meghan thanks Elizabeth and Mary for the advice.