Mitch is sitting in a room I haven't seen before in the Green Mansion. It's like a greenhouse with a covered picnic table. Meghan walks up and asks if Mitch's brain has any room to talk to a daughter. Who talks to their parents this much? Mitch offers a space next to the "new job and pregnancy files." Mitch says he's pretty sure he knows what Meghan is going to talk about anyway. Meghan has a look like, "Even you know I'm thinking about having meaningless sex?" until Mitch says that Cam is planning on fighting Sideburns. Mitch says that Mary doesn't know about it and that she's got enough stuff to worry about. He says he wishes he had some "magical Dad wisdom," but he's a lousy dad and was asleep the day they were handing that out. He says he'll do what he can with Cameron. "I think you gotta talk to Trent. Give him a chance to make the right choice." He says that maybe Trent will make the right one. Meghan thanks him. "Well, like I said, no magical Dad wisdom." No, sir. Since she already DID THAT and he chose to FIGHT CAMERON. Meghan then says, "Then why do I feel better?" and continues being a little suck-ass as she puts her bratty head on Daddy's shoulder.
Mitch the Magical Dad doesn't have time to powder his princess' bottom, however, because he's got to talk to Cameron, who is sitting in some other dark, shady greenhouse-type room on Green Manor. "I could call the cops. I could call his parents. I could escort you there myself, but something tells me this is one thing you gotta go through on your own." That's Mitch. Father of the Year. He asks if this is something Cameron started, or if Sideburns started it. Cam says it's just something he has to do. He's all mouth-breathing and jaw-clenching as he explains it's something he got "caught into doing." He says he "can't not do this" because Meghan is his sister. Mitch offers to try and stop it, but Cam says he'd find a way to do it anyway. "You know a good parent probably wouldn't let you go out that door." So, feel free to walk out anytime, Cam. Cam says that a good parent probably would, so that he's still in the running with Princess Daddybottom for Kiss-Ass of the Year. Too bad the doobie brother in the garage is out of the running. There's some sort of goo in the corner of Cam's eye as Mitch asks him to not get hurt. Mitch leaves as Cameron runs his fingers through his hair grease.
Motorcycle noise. We see Sideburns as he says, "Oh, man, Meghan. Definition of 'not a good time.'" "Watching this show?" I offer, but I think he was being "rhetorical" or something. "I came here to tell you the answer to all of your questions is 'Yes.'" "Yes?" "Yes. I realize the only way to stop you from fighting is to be here for you. Completely. Here for you." Meghan attempts to be sultry here, but it comes off like someone is sticking her in the back with an ice pick. "So, a choice. You and me, now. Or, you and me, never." Whoa. Way to take Daddy's advice to heart, girlie. Like he can't pump you twice and still get to the bleachers by eight? You really are a virgin. "A choice, huh?" Sideburns laughs. "I don't know, it sounds more like a test." Idiot. "You know what? It is a test, and I'm just trying to prove that everyone's wrong." Sideburns says there's somewhere he's really got to be right now (as if she didn't know where he was going. What's with the cryptic talk?) but he can come back later and get it on with her. Meghan's sex smile fades and she tells him to forget it. Sideburns says he knows that she can't understand this, and Meghan brats and eye-rolls about how she's tired of hearing about that "it's a guy thing." She doesn't want to hear any of that. Sideburns says, "You know what? Fine. Have it your way. But you know what? Someday you're gonna come looking for me and I am not gonna be here." "You know what, Trent? You were never there." You know what? You know what? You know what? Oh, sorry. Just caught up in the brilliant Mad Libs writing. Trent puts on his helmet and motorcycles off as Meghan starts to yell, "Trent! Trent, don't do this!" But what he heard, she'll never know. Fade to white. Commercial.