Meghan and Clay are in their Secret Lovers spot (which is currently unoccupied since the Center of the Universe needs it). Clay asks if Meghan's okay. I love it when writers try to make us think that these two characters have been standing here the whole time and didn't bother to have any conversations between the last time they saw each other and this exact moment. Meghan doesn't answer, so Clay takes it as a no. Clay asks if she wants to talk, but she says she doesn't think he wants to hear about it. Clay figures it's about Trent and remarks that he never considered the fact that being her friend would mean he'd have to listen to her talk about guy problems. "I told you you didn't want to hear about it," Meghan interrupts. "Let me finish," Clay interrupts again. He tilts his head to talk to her and when he does his larnyx gets a little crushed or something and his voice starts coming out like his throat is all coated in milk. "But if that's what it takes to keep you in my life, then so be it." He asks her to talk to him, unless she's too upset. Meghan starts to "cry" and tilts her head away and asks, "Um...so how's it going with Amy?" "I take that as a 'yes,'" Clay says and says that things are just "going" with Ferret. You can see Meghan clenching her toes and sticking her nails in her palms to drudge up some tears, but nothing's happening. Clay says that he's always heard that when it comes to two people it's all about --" "Timing," Meghan finishes. Clay agrees and says they have it, "But it's just bad," they say in unison. Yeah. It is just bad. All of it. The five-note Get Real jingle starts up as Clay pats Meghan on the back and says he has to help Ferret with her Chem. Meghan's busy with the hair-tucking anyway, so Clay makes a clean getaway. Meghan and I watch Clay's butt leave. If loving that butt is wrong, then we don't want to be right. Meghan walks over to the edge of her Secret Lovers place so she can see all that she rules from her throne. She oversees Cameron putting things into his locker. She pans over ten feet and sees Sideburns also making his required locker check -- except he's emptying out his locker. Mess with a Green kid and you're getting transferred again, buddy. I guess since he didn't have any classes, and he's out of girls to pretend to screw and has no more vendettas, he might as well find another school. Or perhaps he should start saving up for that midlife crisis he's headed towards next year. Close-up on Cameron. The makeup artist from Outbreak has given Cameron one big, blotchy pus-eye. Close up on Sideburns. Makeup artist has gone nuts. I start screaming with laughter. There's an incredibly deliciously long close-up on Sideburns so I can see the butterfly stitch in his eyebrow, the mumps they gave his cheeks, the circular bruise around his lips, the pus crusted in the corner of his mouth, the bruise that goes into his hairline, and the bruise in the divot of his chin. What didn't they bruise? His huge-ass nose. I'm not kidding, this kid's schnoze is really out there. They tried to counter with the big, fluffy hair, but it didn't work. You'd think Cameron could have laid a good one on this kid's honker. Sideburns nods at Cameron as if to say, "You sure beat my ass. I suck." He then looks up at Princess Bratty-Hymen who gives him the cold stare. Another close-up on the yellow pus on Sideburns's lip. He shuts the locker in slow motion, picks up his box of belongings (!) and then walks out of our lives forever. Don't let the door hit your pussy ass on the way out, man.
Meghan turns around to watch her kingdom from the other side of her throne. She sees Kenny wearing that stupid jacket and glasses talking to Victor. Their DNA hasn't visibly changed yet. She looks farther away and sees Ferret gooping on Clay. The other students mill around them silently. Clay and Ferret hug as the gospel singers start kicking in. My sweet ambrosia signaling the end of another episode of pain. Meghan bits her lip and walks away from her throne. She walks down the Greens-Only staircase as Cameron is walking up. They see each other. They smile a "So that's how it is in their family" smile. Cameron stretches out his hand. Meghan takes it. They share a clutching in the hallway. They walk in separate directions as Cam checks out Meghan's ass and Meghan looks down with a blush. I'm not making this up. Fade to white on this very Hotel New Hampshire moment.