Get Real
Choices

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Choices

Cameron is on the floor of the school using a socket wrench on the trucks of his skateboard. "Principal Bobby" walks up. We've never seen him before, but Cam is all chummy with him, so I guess they couldn't get Dr. Sedgwick for this episode. You know when Cam is holding his skateboard, there's gonna be trouble. Cameron says that the principal has this "Cameron's gonna skate where he's not supposed to and get his Third Strike" look. Principal Bobby looks at Cam as if to say, "You can't spell 'Principal' without 'Pal,' Cammy." By the way, Cameron's locker is right next to a posted "No Skateboarding" symbol, which is a drawing of a little man executing a rail slide down a staircase. Principal Bobby tells Cameron not to do anything that would cause him to have such a look. Cam says he's not, and that's why he put his skateboard away in his "locked locker." Principal Bobby gives a "Praise the Lord" that his boy Cameron is all growns up. Cameron laughs like Corky from Life Goes On. Principal Foreshadowing leans in and says, "Two strikes has a way of becoming three."

As Cameron walks off, we pan down to his feet and see him pass some work boots with jeans. The jeans have eight-inch cuffs. We pan up the baggy jeans and see a yellow shirt with arms holding a book with a grocery-bag book cover. That yellow shirt is attached to a head. My phone rings. It's James Van der Beek. "Now that's a noggin, man. You tell Wing to shut up. That's a friggin' huge head!" He's right. "And look at those stupid sideburns!" I hang up on James because I have begun a fit of laughter. The sideburns are these huge triangles and they dribble down from a haircut designed by the stylist from That 70s Show. Sideburns Guy is thirty years old. He turns his head so we can see his precious silver hoop earring. He snarls as he looks in Cam's direction. He slams his locker.

To further prove that these kids go to the School Without Classes, Victor and Kenny are hanging in the World's Largest Kitchen. Victor washes a dish and says they've got ten minutes until his "Post-Lunch Astronomy Nap." I don't have time to dwell about their Freshman Off-Campus Lunch policy, however, because Kenny is wearing a tiny leather jacket. It's all small on him and he's trying to look all cool. Victor gives him a "Dude, you look like a dweeb" look as Kenny explains that he "scored it from the attic." He looks pretty satisfied with himself. He says he's doing that whole "image makeover thing." He says this while pointing his fingers in that rapid handgun fashion. Apparently everyone in this cast has caught Saturday Night Fever. Kenny puts on some black shades and tick-ticks as he does another series of handguns. "You're scaring me, Fonzie," Victor deadpans. Kenny gets a look of surprise on his face and then puts his hands in his pockets. Then he gets another look of surprise (so that we forget that he already blew the motivation) and starts shouting a bunch of "dude"s. He's already all stoked and excited before he ever looks at his findings and says, "It's a joint!"

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Get Real

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