Mary is driving her car on the phone with three people at once. She's talking to the champagne guy and MC Lyte and keeps switching around until she runs a stop sign and slams on the brakes as an SUV comes barreling towards her. We see the SUV in slow motion pass her with two kids in the back seat staring at her like, "What's wrong with the crazy lady, Mommy?" Now, let me say here that the teaser from last week was that Mary was going to be in a car accident that was going to force her to make a decision that will effect the entire family. I feel gypped. Mary pulls over to the side to flashback to the kids in the back of the SUV and start crying. I look at St. Clare. "I did that. You didn't want to see the accident plot." "I didn't?" "No. Trust me. It was worse." "Worse?" "Oh, yeah. Much." "Thank you." "Don't sweat it."
Meghan pouts in front of Clay's door as he jogs up and says he was expecting her on the trail. She brats that she wasn't really in the mood for a run. "Uh...I met Amy on the first day of Kindergarden." Ow. Ow. Ow. My eye. It's stuck. It's stuck to the top of my forehead. How did I get it up there? Ow! Help me! "I'm telling you, this is better that the accident plot was going to be," St. Clare reminds me as she releases my right eye. "Thank you." Meghan says that she was crying on the bus until Amy handed her a Saltine. "That Saltine was my version of the medallion, it made me stop crying and we've been best friends ever since. That's why I'm ending this." Saltine. For when you want to screw your real best friend, not the best friend who's always lamenting over her dead dad or the best friend that everyone thinks is a slut, and you can't decide if you want to screw her in the process as well. Now also salt-free. Clay says that this is hard on him (tee-hee!) as well, because Ferret wants him to go skiing with her family but he can't do it if all he's thinking about is Meghan. Because Meghan wants him to know that this is, in fact, her problem, thank you very much, she interrupts to say, "That doesn't work. I can't do that to her." Clay says that it's his problem and that he's going to take some responsibility. He says he's going to break up with Ferret. The Center of the Universe says that he can't break up with Ferret. He stops her and says that this isn't about Meghan. It's about him and Ferret. Meghan looks at him like, "Wait. Everything is about me. I'm the Center of the Universe! There won't be a Christmas if I die tonight!" Clay says he's not being fair to her. "I'm not being real." That was almost the series title; don't think that I didn't notice. "She deserves more," he says, grabbing Meghan's hair before it gets a chance to interrupt. "So do I," he finishes, taking us to a fade to white and commercial. St. Clare has hidden all of the knives and hard liquor.