Get Real
Performance Anxiety

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Performance Anxiety

Mitch walks out of the reunion pulling his name tag off his lapel. Cue drunk and reeling Jacob "Good Lovin'" Perryhill. Mitch calls Jacob a cab and takes his keys away from him. "You're a lucky guy," he says to Mitch. He puts his arm around Mitch's neck and bourbons in his ear, "Mary is sooo hot!" "You know what, I do know about you and Mary, you know? In high school," he says to Jacob. Jacob jumps back about thirteen feet and says, "You do?" There's this "Is Mitch going to punch him?" moment as Jacob explains that Mary wasn't just a "conquest" and that he really dug her. Mitch is summoning his Tony Soprano as Jacob says he wished that he had hooked up with Mary and then maybe he could have "skipped all that damn alimony." He does the drunk giggle as Mitch is not amused. The cab pulls up as Jacob pulls Mitch in by the neck and says, "But you? You got there first, dude." He snorts. "I got there first? Whoa. You counting backward?" Jacob tells him that he tried to get Mary back their senior year, but after she had met Mitch she wouldn't look at him anymore. Jacob gets into the cab and it drives off. Mitch looks around as we fade to white.

Cameron is underwater at what must be 11 PM at the Y, and he keeps himself from freaking out by imagining there are huge fish in the pool with him that he can swim right up to. A giant puffer fish is staring at Cameron and I so wish it will attack, but it doesn't. It just fades away. Cameron struggles, comes to the surface and screams "Yes! That was so awesome!" "Hey Cameron, you did it, man!" "Actually, I, uh...I did. I'm going back down."

Kenny and Rebecca are holding hands sitting on the couch. The camera jerks back and forth to their faces as they talk. Kenny asks, "So, why me?" Rebecca exhales and says, "Have you ever seen one of those nature films where the flowers grow in fast motion?" He says, "Yeah, it's called um, time-lapse photography." We get a close up of Rebecca's tummy as she says, "Yeah, well, that's me. I live in time lapse. And my dad, who incidentally couldn't care less that I even exist has dragged me to thirteen schools in the last ten years. I'm just another thing he packs up when he gets transferred." "Harsh," says Kenny. "Well, I just don't have time to waste wondering, 'Oh, does he like me or does he like me like me.' Trust me, you just want to cut through the clutter and tell a guy that you're willing to give it up." "You do realize that we aren't having sex tonight," Kenny says. "That's cool," she says. We watch her hands fold and unfold in front of her naked tummy. "I am naming one thing that I like about you," she says. "You make me feel that I'm the most important person on the planet." They kiss on the couch and hold hands. Wow. They did it. They wrote an actual scene. Never mind that Rebecca's been doing it since maybe she was eleven. Never mind that they didn't stop playing this strummy guitar throughout the entire thing. Rebecca and Kenny had an actual scene that wasn't insulting, didn't show boobs, and no one said "dude" or "download." Can I get an "Amen?" ["Amen." -- Wing Chun]

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