Get Real
Performance Anxiety

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Performance Anxiety

Mitch leans forward and continues to talk about money like he's a made man. "Well, dat, dat, dat'th impothible. I neva mithed a payment. On any-ting." They discuss money for a few more minutes and then Jacob says he'll sign off on the loan so it'll be all taken care of. As he scribbles his name he says, "So you and Mary are still together?" "Oh, yeah," Mitch says, like he loves and cares for his wife. "Twenty good years. You?" Jacob is currently between wives. Jacob pulls some joke about him having a better football record than Mitch and Mitch gives him that smile that he usually reserves for his wife that says, "I'm talking to an asshole." Jacob walks away for us to pan into Kenny walking down a sidewalk worrying about having to do it with Rebecca. He tells us he's heading over to her house to have sex. He's scared. He rings the doorbell. Rebecca opens it. She's wearing a tight blue shirt and some sort of jackety thing. He says, "You ready?" She says, "Yeah, let's book or we'll miss the previews." Kenny tells us this was just a "dry run." PSYCHE! Fade to white and opening credits.

We return to see Meghan holding some sort of cross on a string. She looks up and smiles. "I didn't know you were religious," she says. "Nah," replies the teacher who was passing out papers when Meghan was flirting with the blonde. "Remnants of my college Goth phase." Meghan begins her mandatory voice-over to explain any new character, character development or plotline: "Julia LeSalle, my favorite teacher ever. And when the school board tried to institute a dress code, she burned the school board charter. That won her a few fans. Julia is one of those rare adults that talks to you and not past you." As Meghan voice-overs this, she is neither looking at us, towards us, or even cares that we are here. Meghan gets uncomfortable because the conversation is somehow not about her, so she remedies the situation: "So, um, can I run something by you?" "You bet." "Um, I was thinking of going to Europe next fall," Meghan says to the surprise of us all. Apparently six months of discussion with Mary isn't changing her mind about not going to college, but three minutes of flirty-talk with a blonde has her getting malaria shots and choosing which backpack color would look best with her Ibook. "Thinking of going or going-going?" the teacher asks. "I don't know, my mom's going to have issues," Meghan says, nominating her for the Understatement of the Year award. "Because?" "Well, she says she's accepted me [sic] not going to college, but I still think that there's this secret hope in the back of her head that I'll come to my senses," Meghan says without breathing. Julia tells her that she wishes she took more control of her life when she was Meghan's age. She wasn't strong enough to stand up to her parents, so her rebellion "alas, was limited to heavy makeup, Bauhaus albums, and yes, Gothic trinkets." She wishes she had done fun wild things. "Like backpacking across Europe." Julia tells Meghan to ask Mary. "Who knows? She might just surprise you," she says. I hope Mary surprises her with a machete.

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Get Real




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