Get Real
Performance Anxiety

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Performance Anxiety

Fade back in as Mitch picks up the Truman Yearbook, sits down and opens it. He sees a picture of Jacob Perryhill. Next to Jacob's football picture is written, "Mary, Everyone else will be compared to you...Jacob '21.'" Mitch looks at us in an EXTREME CLOSE-UP. "Knew him...vaguely?" he smirks. Mary is sitting the guilty cross-legged-hands-tugging-on-shirt pose on the bed as she tries to get herself out of this one. "Actually, uh, uh, uh, a little more than vaguely." Exhale. Mitch is sitting in another room and they are practically leaning out of their chairs to talk to each other. "Well, gee honey," he says, "my imagination and I have gone way past 'vaguely.'" Mary explains through "uh"s and exhales that it was her junior year and "way before" she and Mitch got together. She's trying to tell him what happened, but she keeps flashing back with that porno guitar to the boy and girl under the bleachers. "He was my first," she says. Mitch's smile is frozen on his face. "'First'? First what?" He stands up and walks towards her. "First kiss?" "Sort of." "Sort of? Sort of how?" This is an old acting exercise that I used to do in class where you would repeat the last thing you heard and then you'd add your line after it. "Sort of kept going past that," Mary vaguely explains about the boy she knew a little more than vaguely. Mitch is sitting right up right next to her face as he says, "Give it to me in baseball terms." "Inside the park home run." The piano begins to play the Marriage In Crisis song as my left eyebrow crooks up. Inside the park home run. Does that mean she went all the way but she didn't have an orgasm? Wait. Maybe they went all the way but he pulled out. It doesn't matter because Mitch is about to become seven again. Mary starts. "Oh, honey, I know this is the last person you wanted to hear this about, it just happened so long --" "Hey, old news," Mitch says. "Really. Goodnight." "Don't 'goodnight' me," Mary starts up, "Please, let's talk about this." "What? There's nothing to talk about. I thought I knew my wife. Turns out I don't. I'm fine with it." Mitch's gangster lisp is back. "Don't shut down on me, Mitch." Mary is shaking on the bed. Mitch walks down the hallway. "I said I'm fine." Mary exhales. "Nice." She throws the yearbook to the side. She puts her head in her hands and looks far away.

Kenny is sitting with his arm around Rebecca. She asks him to start playing the Name One Thing You Like About Me game. Her legs are in his lap. He likes the way she wears her earrings. She gives him his kiss like a good little Pavlov dog. In walks Rebecca's dad. He's a big army guy with a big army outfit on. He wears his army hat and carries that "I'm not a good dad" suitcase. Kenny stops kissing Rebecca and tries to pull away from her because her dad's in the room, but she keeps pulling him closer to her. She tries to talk to her dad about her test scores, but he's too busy opening a bottle of Bad Dad Beer. Rebecca introduces Kenny as her boyfriend, and Kenny tries to goat boy that he's just a neighbor. Rebecca's dad starts walking towards them like he's going to be protective of his little girl, but he just says, "Don't use the phone, I'm going online." He's late for his chat on #BADDADZ. "He is the dream dad," Rebecca sarcasms to Kenny.

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Get Real




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