Get Real
Performance Anxiety

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Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
Performance Anxiety

Back at School Without Classes the bell rings, signaling the end of the not-really-lit class. Julia gives the homework assignment. They have to read some of Kate Chopin. "And that means reading it, Spicoli, not just highlighting it so it looks like you did." (Okay, she said "Scolari," but what difference does it make?). Meghan gives a "Stupid people are funny" laugh as she tucks her hair behind her ear to convey, "He's coming right over! Dan walks up to Meghan wearing a very similar sweater to the one he's been wearing all week. He asks if there's a question on earth that she doesn't know the answer to. She asks if he's jealous. He calls her a show-off. He stops her. "Wait a minute," he says, with a serious look. "Hair check." He tucks her hair behind her ear. HAIR CHECK? I run out of my house down the street begging people to tell me it's all a dream. It's all just a bad dream. It didn't just happen. I get back to my house, stick all of my insides that I puked up back inside my body, take two valium and get back to the show. Meghan is ga-ga over Dan and thinks he's the most gorgeous person on the planet. Their little cute-as-a-Hummel moment is broken by Julia who asks the two of them to the cool-teacher party that she's having that evening. "Nothing major, just burgers and Tom Jones. You guys in?" "Could be cool." "I'm there." Meghan skips down the hall happy as a popular-little-non-pregnant-no-best-friend-in-dead-dad-turmoil teen. She knows that the party is the best place for the two of them to talk, hook up, "or something," she says to us. Slut.

Kenny is walking around without a neck. Don't worry, he does this all the time. Right now his neck is gone because he's got a pocket full of condoms. Right now if someone needed condoms, he could give that person one. He's got six condoms. Is that enough condoms? Condoms, condoms, condoms. C is for the climax that you'll have. O is for the orgasm they'll cause. N is for the -- he sees Cameron walking down the hall. He knows that Cameron must know that he stole the condoms. He asks Cam, "So, how's it going with those scuba classes?" Puberty voice on "scuba." Cam's nostrils flare, he turns around and says, "Walk away or die." "So he doesn't know about the condoms!" Kenny celebrates as he walks away. "He's mad at me anyway. Works for me."

Elizabeth "I left my diaphragm in San Francisco" Green barges in to the Good Doctor's office with two tickets to see Cabaret. She entices the doctor with the possibility of getting spat on by Teri Hatcher. Oh, see, that's a little inside humor because Teri Hatcher is Jon Tenney's wife. Don't you guys feel special for being in-the-know? Elizabeth's skin peels back tight against her face as she offers the doctor dinner and the play as he tosses the tickets back at her. "I'm flattered, Elizabeth. that was very well rehearsed," he says. D'oh! Doctor Feelhorny is mad because he lost all that money on the arrangements and now she's just ignoring the whole situation. He walks off and won't talk to her.

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Get Real




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