Get Real
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Pilot

Yeah, America. Get Real. She can like the Indigo Girls without being gay. Just get off her damn back. To drive the joke home she walks out of frame so we can once again see the Indigo Girls poster. I hate it when shows mention their own name.

"I know what you're thinking," she continues as she ties her shoes. "This is another one of those smart-ass shows where the kids talk to the audience like on...um...Dawson's Creek." Yeah, like you forgot the name, girlie. You know you dream of Pacey. She starts to talk to us again using her mouth. "Which, actually, come to think of it, I'm not even sure does voice-overs...see, personally I wouldn't be caught dead watching it because...there is nothing more obnoxious than self-aware teens that know more about life's great mysteries than their parents." Those ellipses are not because I'm cutting the beautiful language. This girl just takes lots of pauses. I'm not even going to comment on that last bit, anyway. This must be some sort of Alanis-defined type of irony they were going for here. "Oh, don't worry," she interrupts my good cigarette to tell me, "we're not gonna get all stermy [sic] either like on My So-Called Life." Cut to director's name in credits. It says Executive Producer Scott Winant but reads, "Hey kids! Aren't I cute? Watch this show! Watch it or I'll kill Angela and make Rayanne dress in Gap!" "Although, you know," teenage girl interrupts my funny joke, "that chick didn't do so bad for herself." She says this straight to us as if screaming, "I wanna Leo movie, too!"

I looked up "stermy" in the dictionary, but it wasn't there. Maybe she meant "sterny." That's not there either.

Shot of boy walking up stairs continuing his commercial. "Dad, you seen my Airwalks?" "What are Airwalks?" "Shoes." "Can't help you." Cut to weird scene of superimposed bodies and longing glances that states quite simply in the voice-over that Mom is sad that teenage daughter (who now has a name: Meghan) is going to college. Back to our commercial brought to you by Kenny. "Fact: My Airwalks are missing. Probability: my brother took them." He mentions "serious contraband" in brother's room. He mentions to mother Mary in passing that he "heard Cameron puking up a lung or something last night." Thank you, Ferris Bueller. Mother turns in her sexless daze toward the brother's room. "Airwalks?" Kenny says to Meghan. "Nope." No wonder we haven't had a commercial break yet. Fade to white to some builder guy talking builder talk to Mitch. Mitch says to go ahead and do the builder stuff. Mitch and Grandma exchange a knowing glance that I'm not in on. Mom calls Cameron's name and walks over to his bed. "Cam, honey, are you okay?" "Cue the girl," I think. And then she pokes her head out. She's a clinky girl -- you know, the kind with lots of bracelets? So it's safe to assume the writers will make her out to be an idiot, and we don't have to have anything vested in her. Cameron introduces the girl (who looks like Georgia from Ally McBeal) as Gabby while he's in bed with her; she's topless and he's wearing a t-shirt. Maybe Cameron's got a pimply chest.

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Get Real

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