Get Real
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Pamie: D | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Pilot

All-important phone call. We now see the beginning of the show again. Ah. Cameron had an accident. Everyone races into the car with Mary shouting "Oh, God!" again. We still have to see the whole thing, which I don't understand. They leave Grandma behind, which is a shame, since she's pretty good at Emergency Rooms. Fade to white. Someone is in cardiac arrest, but it's not Cameron. Bitchy-poo Meghan tells us we're idiots for thinking that it'd be Cameron like she's Christina Ricci in The Opposite of Sex. Girl of Dreams recognizes Kenny from Biology. Cameron asks if his car is okay.

Back home, Mitch carries Cameron to his room. I'm so sick of background music. Mitch and Mary sleep in separate bedrooms. Mary has heart-to-heart with Grandma who's thinking about something. Grandma shares a big secret with us. Apparently when Mary was eighteen she got pregnant. She had Meghan. Cut to same scene but with Meghan and Mary having a heart-to-heart using the same dialogue so us stupids wouldn't get confused. Mary tells Meghan she's not a mistake, which I'm sure Meghan's heard a million times with the way Mary's accidental pregnancy is waved in her face every ten minutes.

Next morning, Mitch wakes up on the couch to find Eggs Benedict. Mary is spoon feeding Cameron. She gets flowers delivered from what must be fastest florist in town. Kenny gets his Airwalks from the telephone wire as he hears a girl's voice say, "Excuse me?" Kenny think-talks, "Please don't let me be a victim in one of those Ally McBeal dream things." Whatever. Don't even. "So what have we learned here?" Kenny asks us in a last-minute effort to be both Craig Kilborn and Doogie Howser in the last few seconds. Apparently the rip-off quotient was down. Kenny recaps the entire show as he watches his parents make out in the window of their bedroom. He's interrupted by his dad calling him from the yard. HUH? Didn't he just see...? The image fades out. Duped again! Guy talk ensues. "How's Cameron?" "Not talking to me. I grounded his reckless ass." "Dad! Way to show some Zambonis!" They go out to "catch up on stuff."

Kenny blabs on about how his family is changing so Meghan can blab on about how she's a new woman complete with pants pulled underneath her boxer shorts in a way that screams "I'm 1996! Hear me roar!" She makes out with motorcycle boy and makes a reference to 7th Heaven. "I'm no angel, either," she continues. "Get real," she tells me for the second time as I hope she falls off the bike and Cameron skateboards off as Mary yells from the house to come back in. He has to be hand-fed but he can still ollie like no one's business. Music swells about "one big family."

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Get Real

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