"Mitch, you're a man," Elizabeth reminds us. "You don't like to talk, you hide your emotions, you compartmentalize." "Hey!" Eric shouts from my bathroom, "You tell that old lady to watch her mouth!" "How can a woman tell if a man's feelings towards her have changed?" Mitch asks if this is before or after sex. She tells him that's none of her business. "Well, I tried," Mitch lies. Elizabeth raises one hand like she's doing Shakespeare on Broadway and says, "Mitch, Mitch, please. I really need your advice." But she looks like she's completely lying. Good job, Mitchey. Keep those women on their knees. Mitch says that men think they want honesty but they really just dislike subtlety because they always miss it. He says that if she has a question for him, she should confront him and ask. "Confrontation. I knew you were going to say that," Elizabeth says like she's reading from a children's book. I think Dr. Feelgood slipped her something in her tea. Cue the five-note Get Real jingle as Elizabeth leaves the room.
"You aren't going to tell anyone about this, are you?" Dan consults the Mighty Oracle of the Center of the Universe. "Tell them what -- that you're sleeping with your teacher?" Meghan "What did you just say about subtle?" Green brats back. Just then a girl walks by with a creepy older man on her arm. Ew. "Why are you being so weird about this?" Dan asks her. Meghan is busy going through her day planner. I picture her thinking, "Dumped him, dumped him, made her cry, forgot about her, loser, loser, freshman, pregnant, 'Oh, I've got a dead dad, hug me,' slept with my brother, slept with my teacher -- oh, that's you." Dan gives her the "you're jealous" theory. Her hair scoffs at the very thought. She broke up with him, remember? Remember? Can any of you guys remember past ten minutes of the show or do the writers keep having to remind us?
The Homicide cameras come back out for a line that I wish I could put up here in Real Audio so you could giggle along with it. I'll try, though. Picture trying to say the next line as quickly as you possibly can and then on the last two words make it a strong, hoarsey whisper (a poorly executed "stage whisper" we'd call it in the biz): "Okay, Julia's a teacher. You're a student. You're both desperate to keep this thing a secret. There's a reason for that. IT'S WRONG!" Dan says he doesn't care because he knows how he feels about Julia and he wouldn't trade it for anything. "Yeah, it's still wrong," comes Miss Debate Team's rebuttal. Dan asks how come at the party before when he told her that he was seeing someone else she said she was happy for him and now that's all changed. "That someone else is Julia," Meghan reminds us all yet again. Dan tries a different tactic and tells Meghan to remember when Julia first came to the school and how on the first day she just talked to them in class and their homework assignment was to "learn the lyrics to any Smashing Pumpkins song and recite them as poetry." As they walk down the hall they pass beneath a sign with an arrow over their heads that says "Prom King, Queen." Oh, just in case you were wondering if I did my assignment from Julia, I did. It reminds me of this episode. Ready?