Get Real
Sexual Healing

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Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
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Sexual Healing

Make that twelve.

"Infinity," declares Cameron's teacher. "What is infinity?" It's the song that plays whenever Mitch and Mary have sex. Score one for me. We begin a long music and quick video scene where Kenny watches Rebecca play orgasmic cello as Cameron decides whether or not to he's going to eat another apple in class. Somehow Rebecca has a drum machine playing with her cello. We see Rebecca's cleavage, Cameron's big ears, Rebecca's mounds on her chest, Cameron's enormous nostrils. The school bell rings ending the first Get Real video. Get your calls into TRL while you still can. Cameron puts the apple on the teacher's desk. He says he'll eat in math. Meghan gets accepted to Berkeley. Mary walks in and attempts to find out about Soul Patch Boy, who finally gets a name: Brian. They discuss Meghan's navel ring, which she says hurt "like a bitch." Mary shows her anger and frustration through her incredible neck cords as she reminds us once again that she was pregnant with Meghan at her age. That somehow calms Meghan down long enough to agree that she'll talk to Mary about Brian when she decides what she's going to do. Mary joins Mitch in the bedroom and he tries to get her drunk so he can get his freak on. Mary complains that sex isn't intimacy. The phone interrupts. The police have their son.

"What did Cameron do?" That's how we know it can't be Cameron. It's Kenny. He's been arrested for "being the stupidest kid in the world." This is a charge that should come with at least a six-month penalty, but instead the cops let him go straight home without any sort of ramifications. I guess it's because it made Mitch chuckle. Kenny got caught peeking into Rebecca's mom's room by mistake. Kenny really does do a good Goat Boy impression. Not as good as Eddie Vedder's in Last Kiss, but pretty decent nonetheless. Cameron has now made a full well-rounded character turnaround and has been studying with Tennisha all night. He tells Mitch that he did some shopping, and when Mitch opens the refrigerator he finds five cans of whipped cream. Meghan is home before curfew. Cameron is such a good kid that they wonder "where they went right." Grandma is on the phone. We learn that her name is Elizabeth, and she needs to call the doctor. The message says something important needs to be discussed. Since we just learned her name, it looks like they're killing off Grandma.

Kenny has a heart to heart with Mitch in which he tells this horny monologue about Rebecca with a cello playing in the background as Mitch thinks about how he loves Mary and realizes he's been a horny teenager lately. He goes back to the bedroom where he finds Mary asleep. I realize at this moment that the Get Real gospel theme is the beginning of Prince's Diamonds and Pearls. Kenny has an Ibook in tangerine. I'm pissed because I ordered one and they aren't available for another month. Spoiled TV brat. Airwalks and Ibooks. He calls victor to catch up. victor calls him "Bro," so we know all is well in guydom once again. Cameron is studying for his SATs. A sample question: "Which of the following expressions describe a mathematical average: mean, median, mode." I hate to break it to Cameron, but if he's studying from that book he's doomed to fail. Meghan is having another dream in which she's stuck in school and can't get out. But "it's a nightmare." Back at the bedroom Mitch think-realizes that cuddling and smelling and such is what real intimacy is. Mary smiles and think-talks "I knew he'd get there." "Life is good," Mitch thinks. Their telepathic discussions creep me out. "One Big Family" the gospel singers remind me, and I know this show has come to another happy wrapped-up ending. Oh, well, Grandma's dying, but who cares? Cute Cameron is learning to read.

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Get Real

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