Get Real
The Distance

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Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
The Distance

Oh, Lordy. The rain continues, and it's like more rain that John Cusak has ever performed in with all of his movies combined. Kenny stands at Kim's door and when she opens it he signs, "I choose you." She smiles and instantly hugs him. She takes him into her house for some lovin'.

Cam walks in and shakes his head like a wet puppy. Elizabeth "One line left! Watch me use it!" Green walks up and says, "What the hell happened to you?" "Made a fool out of myself. Apparently that is the secret to success." Yeah, no kidding. I'm having trouble watching this scene because they've wrapped a blue cardigan around Elizabeth's neck and she's holding a book right up to the camera that's clearly authored by Clyde Phillips, the producer and original writer of this "show." He tells her that he got back into Truman and kisses her cheek. As he walks off, Elizabeth stands there with her bad clothes and her bad book and her glass of wine and says, "That's great." And the subtext clearly reads, "I miss being on Friends with all of my heart and soul. This is so not what my manager promised me."

Meghan's bedroom dresser has a picture of her and Clay with Clay's Cracker Jack medallion dangling from it (I guess she stopped wearing it), and a picture of her and her dad at apparently the one Carnival they ever went together. Mitch is in Meghan's room, staring at the pictures. Ugh, so creepy. And wrong. Get. Out. Of. Her. Room.

Woah! Woah! The pixels are swirling again! Help! Flashback Mitch is telling Flashback Meghan that he was really scared to find she was gone when he walked back from turning his back on her and leaving a kid alone in a park with a big stuffed animal like the responsible parent that he is. Flashback Meghan said she went to go see Andy and she doesn't want to talk about it because it's embarrassing because Mitch is her dad. Flashback Mitch asks if Andy likes her. Flashback Meghan shrugs. Flashback Mitch offers to go back and see if they can find Andy and if they do he'll stay back a "respectable distance." "But not too far?" Bratty Flashback Meghan sucks-up. "Not too far." Woah! Pixel power!

Meghan walks into her room like she fully expects Mitch to be there. He says, "Sorry to ambush you here like this, but, you can, well, you can add that to the list of things I need to apologize here for [sic]." Meghan shuts the door. Mitch says that he's been a "jerk" to her and Clay lately and he wanted to apologize. This is much longer than I'll make it. He says this isn't his "finest moment as a father." "You see, I do this thing where I still think of you as if you were ten years old. My little girl." He says it caught him off-guard that she was having sex. He asks her if she remembers Andy. After a few reminders on which one Andy was she says, "It wasn't exactly my first crush, Dad." Mitch says that's the one he remembers. "I remember thinking, 'Oh God. Here we go. It's starting. Now she's going to run off one day with some guy and never come back." He says now he knows that day is closer and he realizes their relationship is changing, and he wants to do whatever it takes to make sure that change is stronger. She says she only liked Andy for three days and then she liked someone else. Woah. There are real tears here. Real tears from Meghan. Good job. She says that Mitch made her cocoa and talked to her when she cried for a week over Andy (Why? She liked someone else) and that he told her there would be lots of other boys. "Well, I got that one right, huh?" "You got a lot of stuff right, Dad." "Well, not lately." Meghan gets a Blair Witch snot moment and says, "Daddy? The last few days have been really hard for me. I can't bear you being angry at me." Mitch says that it's hard for him to accept that the older Meghan gets the less she needs him. "Don't you get it, Dad, the older I get I'm never gonna stop needing you or loving you?" As Meghan and Mitch hold each other I vomit over every piece of furniture I own. I yank down the curtains in anger and I burn my BFA in acting from the University of Texas. I give up. I fucking give up. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I cannot make a difference. If this schmaltz is all I have to look forward to then I don't want my future. You take it. You watch this show. You suffer. Fuck the Greens. Fuck the five-note jingle.

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Get Real




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