Get Real
The Distance

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The Distance

Meghan sees the pills in Mitch's hand and she snatches (huh-huh) them from him. "What are you doing going through my stuff?" she asks. "We're not going through your stuff," Mitch blatantly lies. "Are they yours?" Mary asks. Read the damn label, people. It's a prescription. Jesus. Meghan stands with her mouth open for a little while. "You're taking birth control pills. That means you're having sex, which means you did not discuss this with me first. I cannot believe --" Mitch cuts Mary off (huzzah!) to say something about needing parental consent and Meghan brats that "twelve-year olds can get them." Now, this would have been funny if my father didn't make the same conclusion about my sex life when I was twenty-one and moving in with my boyfriend. "I assume you're having sex now." Anyway, Meghan totally blew it by not suggesting that she was taking the pills for cramps or to make her more regular. What an idiot. That and she must have bought the pills a while ago, as we all know it takes a month for those things to kick in, so she must have been planning knocking the boots with Clay before Ferret was even out of the picture. As everyone is arguing, Kenny brings Kimberly into the mess and tries to introduce her. He's totally oblivious to the fighting, I guess, and everyone tries to mouth "hi" to Kimberly and be ultra-nice to her because she's deaf. Kenny asks if they are fighting, and while they are still fighting, Meghan announces that they are "done!" and storms upstairs so Mary can sigh. Kenny takes Kimberly into the back and begins discussing food. He's actually picked up quite a bit of sign language. Mary tells Mitch that they can't just let Meghan "walk away from this." Mitch says, "Believe me, I'm not about to." Mary tells Mitch to go cool down for a second and let her go talk to her and Mitch says that it's not such a bad idea. Mary says they both knew this day was coming. Mitch says it doesn't make it any easier.

Upstairs Meghan is trying to get Clay on the phone to give him warning, but instead she talks to his mom. Clay has already left. As she hangs up the phone Mary knocks on her door. Meghan is all sighs and groans and says, "What?" "We need to talk about this, Meghan." Sighs, moans. "Okay, well, how 'bout when I'm thirty?" "No, how 'bout now?" Meghan moans and whines that she's being responsible. "I didn't say you weren't." "Uh! Huh! So, why are you mad?" "I'm not mad!" "You're not mad." No, I'm mad. Mad, I tell you! Mary says she's disappointed. "Because I'm having sex? Mom, I love him." As Mary stammers that she thought Meghan could come to her about anything there is much tucking of the hair from Meghan's side of the corner. Sighs, groans. "All right, I, I was, I, I, I was going to, but you know? It was just, so, weird." Meghan says that it's one thing to talk about "hypothetical sex" and that it is totally different to talk about "real sex." She says "real sex" like it's the most disgusting thing she's ever done. "Honestly, do you... want to talk about this really?" Mary has now sat down on the bed and slowly smiles and gets this weird gleam in her eye and says very calmly and very creepily, "Well, I don't want to know all the gory details..." Meghan interrupts to laugh and touch her nose. Mary continues to say that she wants to know if Meghan is being "smart and safe." Meghan promises that she is. The five-note jingle is in full effect. Meghan says she can understand how Mary could be disappointed in how she handled it, but, "whether or not you're with me, you are a part of every decision that I make." Buh-nuh-na-na-nah!

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