Get Real
Waiting

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Pamie: D | Grade It Now!
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Waiting

Kenny turns around and stares into a room. He walks in and says, "Oh my God. Am I dead?" As we pan down to the Coma Kenny, Pepsi Girl says, "Not exactly." We see the Coma Pepsi Girl over her shoulder through a window. These hospital rooms are so spacious and airy. Not one screen around them. Oh, there's on in the corner. It's one of those foldy One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest-type screens. Kenny says, "Not exactly? If I'm not dead then..." He gives a shaky exhale as the sensitive oboe starts cranking out the five-note jingle that we've all missed so very much. "What am I?" "You're..." Pepsi Girl starts out. "Waiting," I say, a full TEN SECONDS before she does as we pan over to the Coma Pepsi Girl. Pan back from Coma Kenny as Mary strokes his arm. Mitch keeps a dominant hand on Mary's shoulder. Cameron and Meghan sit by the bed. Elizabeth sits behind them. There is not one doctor or nurse. There is no florescent lighting. There are no machines making any noises. One flat monitor is supposed to be saying something about Kenny's pulse. Everyone is still wearing their jackets and coats like they're already at the funeral. The oboe is still playing. The "Doctor" comes back into the room, and this time he's changed into something that more closely resembles scrubs. He looks like he doesn't want to have to deal with The Green Family. Hey, buddy, I don't blame you. Meghan gives him a look as he says that he got the lab tests back. Mary asks him what the tests say. The "Doctor" nods as he says, "Kenny has meningitis." "But he, he's gonna be okay, right?" Wonderboy asks. He says something about how this is a hospital, so they should just give him something and it should work. The "Doctor" closes his eyes as he realizes the coma is being wasted on the wrong kid. He goes on to explain that not only does Kenny have meningitis, "but he has bacterial meningitis, and that's very, very serious." Mitch asks about treatment. The "Doctor" gives Mitch the hand and whispers that he's already put Kenny on an antibiotic and that if he starts getting better within the next day or two that everything should be fine. Mitch asks what if Kenny doesn't come out of it that soon. The "Doctor" says there are "short and long term consequences." Twenty Questions continues as Elizabeth asks what those are. The "Doctor" says that they can range from deafness to brain damage to... He trails off until Mary asks him again. "Doctor," Elizabeth says (and you can hear the quotation marks around it), "We're a family. For better or worse." The Greens continue to beat it out of him that there's a chance that Kenny could die because the real Green Pain, the real Green Struggle, the real Green Self-Centeredness cannot begin until someone says the damn words. "Say the words! Tell us that someone might die! We can't live without the weekly crisis! Please! Someone must be near death to teach us how to live! And, oh, God, if it's our son, then surely we'll all learn something very special about ourselves because our kid is dying!"

As soon as he says the magic words Mitch says that they won't let Kenny die and Mary walks off to a doorway so she can stare off blankly and Elizabeth walks into her Invisible Shield until they need her for a line or two later. Mary stares across the hall to a woman sitting at the Coma Pepsi Girl's bed. She reads from a book. She looks up at Mary. Mary smiles and thinks, "My kid's got meningitis. Beat that, Hit and Run." The woman smiles back and stares at Coma Pepsi Girl and thinks, "My kid has talent. So sorry for you." Close up on the Coma Pepsi Girl. Mary visibly pulls her head back, having to shun herself from the amazing cuteness and talent that this little girl can ooze being completely brain dead. Mary can't take the competition, so she licks her lips and turns back around with a hair flip. She walks back through the World's Largest Hospital Room and passes Mitch leaning against a pillar (!) and by the enormous clock outside the windowed wall (!) that says it's eight o' clock and over to Kenny's bed. As she leans down we see some guy in the back standing over another hospital bed, but we can't see who is in the bed. Mary kisses Kenny's head as Elizabeth keeps her arms around the other Green kids. Close up on Meghan who is trying so hard to make tears that she's smiling. Cameron mouth-breathes and swallows. Mitch keeps his hand on Mary's shoulder. Mary looks at him and buries her head in his arms, ashamed that not one family member could drum up some tears for the possible death of Kenny. As Mitch pets Mary's head the person visiting the bed is much closer and suddenly writing something in a chart. I guess this guy dressed in black pants and a black t-shirt is supposed to work for the hospital? Fade to black and the first damn commercial break.

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