Oh. My. God.

Did you hear that sound around 8:00 PM Central Time January 12, 2000? Sort of a wail, but kind of like a hyena? You were hearing me. I was in such hysterics over this episode that my boyfriend picked up my copy of Girl, Interrupted to see what he should do. I am not kidding and I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that this was the absolute worst hour of television that I've ever seen in my entire life. Really. And I saw the pilot for Thanks. Brace yourself, kids. You are about to read cyber-shit.

The teaser right before the show says that there's going to be a full month of Get Real. That's a record, by the way. We go straight to the "previously" which we all already know: Meghan has a crush on her "best friend" Ferret's boyfriend Clay. They necked during Christmas. Mary is pregnant and had to cancel out on MC Lyte's New Year's party. Cameron and Kenny fight so much that Mitch has to yell at them. Clay tells Meghan that he'll break up with Ferret but the Center of the Universe smiles and says he can't because Ferret's the best Best Friend anyone could ever ask for, and even though Meghan'll go around kissing him, she won't let him break up with Ferret just because he doesn't want to date her.

We open in the School Without Classes, where Meghan is sitting in her Secret Lovers spot. Clay walks up and remarks that Meghan hasn't been returning "any" of his phone calls, so I guess homeboy can't take a hint. Don't worry, Meghan is wearing her finest Bratty Pants for the following conversation. She continues writing something on a piece of paper as they talk. Meghan: "I didn't think we needed to drag this thing out. The status between you and Amy is status quo. No conversation needed." Clay: "But, you knew I was planning to let stuff ride during the holidays." Meghan: [laughs] "Yeah, and you did." Clay: "Come on, tell me this is not you being mad." Meghan: "Tell me this is not you wanting to break up with my best friend because you want to be with me." Clay: "Even if I didn't know you, this is something that I'd have to do." Meghan: "You know, I think that's what they call a 'non-denial denial?'" First of all -- wha? And second, who's "they"? Clay licks his lips a bit and then says that Amy is great and that there's only one thing wrong with her. My entire apartment recites with Clay, "She's not you." This makes the Center of the Universe angry, because she's already declared that Clay and Ferret have to be together forever, and she says that it's "so not comforting." Clay says that they have something that's "so obvious" that everybody would probably understand. Outraged hair-flips then respond, "All I know is we hook up [sic] and I am violating every code of friendship on the planet, which, you know what, I'm doing even having this conversation [sic], so I'm doing what I have to do to move on. And I suggest...you do the same. Friends only, alright?" Clay points out that the last time they tried to be just friends they ended up examining each other's uvula. They stare at each other for a while. Meghan does the internal eye-roll and then goes back to her important piece of paper. Clay leaves, and Meghan gives him a lingering look as if to say, "Damn. I tell him to leave and he does. This always happens."