Gideon's Crossing
Freak Show

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L-O-L-A Lola

A little kid asks Cherry for two hundred fifty dollars for the nose. Rachel offers forty-seven dollars. Cherry says he'll add fifty, and if the kid accepts, he won't tell the cop down the street that the kid is "trafficking in illegally obtained human body parts." The kid pulls out a rag, unrolls it, and Cherry says, "Oh, Houston. The Eagle has landed." See, because he's quirky. That's why he talks like that, and gets to go hunting for noses.

Breast Lump Lady (whose name is Mrs. Thomlinson, but I'm sticking with BLL) is waiting to go into surgery. Boies comes in and tells her that they're ready for her. BLL makes a joke about getting bigger breasts. Boies needs to sign consent forms for "the surgery, the anesthesia, and the endometrial sample." BLL doesn't want to give the "endo whatever" because she just came in for the lumpectomy. Besides, she's infertile. Boies keeps arguing, since the Tamoxifen increases her chances of endometrial cancer, and they need a baseline. BLL is having none of it. She stomps off to see Ben.

BLL visits Ben in his office. BLL wants to know why they can't just cut out the tumor and let her go. Ben says they're not trying to pad her hospital bill. BLL says it's "not about money and it's not about pain." Ben doesn't get it. BLL says she doesn't have a uterus. Ben asks if she had a hysterectomy. BLL says she doesn't like doctors. Ben's still on the hysterectomy possibility. BLL doesn't have a uterus. Ben -- not getting it. BLL didn't have a hysterectomy. Ben -- not getting it. BLL never had a uterus. Ben -- not getting it. BLL never had any female reproductive organs. Ben -- not getting it. BLL finally spells it out -- she was born a man.

BLL is still in Ben's office, in her hospital gown. BLL says it's ironic that she got "a woman's disease." Ben wants to know how long she's been a woman, and BLL says twenty years. Ben wants to know if she had gender reassignment surgery and what hormones she's been taking. BLL says she did have the surgery, and that she's taken lots of hormones. Ben thinks the hormones caused the cancer. BLL figures that's the price she pays. Ben says she'll have to stop taking the hormones. BLL doesn't want to stop, and she'll have to "take [her] chances with the lumpectomy." Ben says she's young and she has a good chance of remission. BLL says she'll be "bald, boobless, and bearded." That's the title of my sixth album (tm Pamie). Ben says her other option is dying of cancer. BLL says she would rather die a young woman than an old man. Ben asks about her husband and kids. BLL says they don't know she was born male, "and [her husband's] not going to find out." Dude. DUUUDE!

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Gideon's Crossing

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