Emily's. Emily tells the girls that they smell strongly of coffee. Richard's in Manhattan, so it's just the three of them tonight. Quick Times Square joke that I think expired three years ago. Emily wonders why Digger wouldn't go on this evening business trip instead, since he took the whole morning off that day. Lorelai immediately defends Digger. Emily says she finds Digger so irritating, with his brown-nosing. Lorelai says that Emily's a formidable opponent. Emily admits she can't warm up to Digger. Lorelai tells her to try. Emily says she does try. But every time she sees him "a new facet of his 'Jasonness' comes out." Then Emily snarks, "You two would be perfect for each other." And with this, Emily cracks up. And then can't stop cracking up. Because the very idea of Lorelai and Digger together is way too much for Emily. She laughs and laughs and laughs while Rory looks uncomfortable and Lorelai gets defensive and for some reason doesn't use this moment to be all, "Mom, I'm dating him. Get used to it! I love him!" like she normally would. Instead, she gets quiet and mildly insulted at her mother's cackling. Rory asks Emily why it's so funny. Emily says it'd be "so ludicrous." Holy shit. I just had to find out how to spell that word because it's been replaced in my immediate recall with "Ludacris." That's the saddest thing ever.
Post-dinner, Lorelai pouts. Rory asks Lorelai if she's okay. Lorelai pouts. "You didn't tell her," Rory says. Lorelai pouts. "Next time?" Rory asks. Lorelai pouts. Rory asks Lorelai about her motor skills, and then offers to drive.
Luke's. They found Jess's car. Jess was in it. Cue the tow truck. Cue Jess. I'd like to take this moment here to thank the powers that be for answering our prayers for continuing plotlines, complications, conflict, and advancement of character development. I really should just be happy, because this is exactly what I had coming, isn't it? I should have known that all of my harping and whining would result in the Return of Jess. I'm going to try to keep an open mind about all of this. Maybe Stars Hollow will give Jess what's coming to him this time. Maybe the producers brought him back simply to make us all feel satisfied about how Rory was spineless with him all last season. Let's see.
Jess and Luke. "Well, look who's back," says Luke. Jess says he's just there to retrieve his property. Luke tells Jess he's got a lot of nerve. Jess says Luke stole his car. Luke tells Jess to take his car and have a nice life. Jess says that his car is wrecked because Luke hasn't been taking care of it; Jess wants Luke to pay for the repairs. Luke says that the paint is the only thing holding that car together, and asks if things worked out well with Jess's dad. Jess says it worked out fine, and that he's just traveling. Luke thanks Jess for all the cards and letters he's sent. Jess accuses Luke of kicking him out. Luke says that Jess got himself kicked out. Jess: "Nice spin. You should work for Bush." Luke asks if Jess wrote the great American novel or learned to play the harmonica on his Kerouac adventure. Jess: "What do you care? You're not my guardian anymore." Luke: "And I bless every day that I am not." Jess tells Luke that when you're not good at something, it's best to cut and run. Like being Rory's boyfriend. Luke apologizes to Jess for trying to give him a better life. Luke can't believe Liz called Jess and told him where the car was. Jess says that the car belongs to him, and that "Liz" was doing the right thing: "That's what family does." Luke: "'Family'? What a joke coming from you." Jess tells Luke to go clean his counters. Luke tells Jess to stay away from Rory while he's in town: "You've done all the damage you're gonna, okay?" Jess says he's just there for his car. After he gets it fixed, he'll be gone. He heads to the back seat to sleep for the night. Luke heads inside.