Gilmore Girls
A Vineyard Valentine

Episode Report Card
Al Lowe: C+ | 2 USERS: D-
YOU GRADE IT
Valentine, The Destroyer

Lorelai finds Rory in an easy chair, reading Joan Didion (weirdly enough, as I just remember mentioning her and this particular book a few recaps back). Lorelai asks if she and Luke are supposed to stay in their room all night. Rory says no, that they can stay in there or come out to the den with her, and asks why she's whispering. Lorelai says that it's just weird being in someone else's house, and Rory agrees that it's a little weird being a foursome. Lorelai says that they'll adjust, and they say good night.

The next morning, Lorelai emerges to from the powder room, talking about how much she likes the beach in winter, to find Luke sitting on the edge of the bed, eating a Power Bar. He's eating, he says, because he didn't know if "they were gonna serve food or not." Frustrated, she comes over and looks through his luggage, which pretty much contains everything a man would need if he was dropped from a helicopter into the jungles of Vietnam. The crowning glory is the huge Bowie knife to, as Luke says, "cut fish, cut tree limbs..." Lorelai looks alarmed: "Amputate a leg?" Luke says no, you couldn't use it to cut off a leg, but "you could do a foot." Lorelai asks why Luke brought his back-country bag on this trip. "I didn't know what this weekend was," he says, on which I call bullshit along with Lorelai. "You didn't know we wouldn't be performing surgery on each other?" she says. He says that he just wanted to be prepared. Lorelai says that she thought his bag was full of clothes, and that she's afraid he's going to freeze. "I'm warm-blooded," he insists, and Lorelai says she knows: "You're warm-blooded, check it and see."

Lorelai goes out and finds Logan and Rory sharing a newspaper, having breakfast. She says that Luke is around the corner, waiting for her signal to come out. Rory yells that he can come in, saying that he doesn't have to hide. He blows that off, saying that he wasn't and, seeing his obvious discomfort, Lorelai suggests that they go for a walk on the beach before they eat. Logan says that Luke will probably need a coat, but Luke grumbles that he is fine, and they head to the beach...

...where we see Luke walking. In a coat. Lorelai is having a nice time. She says that the air smells great: "Sea-y." Luke grouches that he smells sewage somewhere, too. Gamely, Lorelai says that she's loving this, and that it's been forever since she was at the beach. Luke scoffs at the big houses, saying that the real estate market must be out of control, and betting that the average Joe can't afford it, "meaning if you work here, you can't live here, so you have to commute hours every day." Lorelai tries again, saying that it would at least be a pretty place to work. Luke's not finished, though. He complains about the waves keeping him up last night and that just when he was about to fall asleep, Dan showed up. "'Dan'?" Lorelai says. Of course, Luke means Stan, the raccoon, who he says was playing a Sousa march on the trashcan lids: "That is what a Bowie knife's for." Lorelai sighs, and I wish she'd take this opportunity to shove him right into the ocean, but they are interrupted by Rory. She says that Luke looks like he's freezing, but I don't get it. He's wearing just as many clothes as either of them is, which make all the comments about the weather seem weird. Rory throws them the keys, saying that she and Logan are heading to the gym. "I'm sorry," Lorelai says, feigning deafness. "The ocean's awfully loud." Rory repeats that they're going to the gym, and tells her mom to stop mocking, because it's a good thing. Lorelai's so amused, she says she wants to go, just so that she can see Rory at a gym: "Great. Let's all go to the gym. That'll never stop being funny."

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