The Grandparents have somehow gotten stuck in Helsinki (as you do), and Rory is called into service to host an excruciating DAR mixer. She handles it like a lifetime member of the Biatch Club. Logan shows up and acts like a spoiled, assy ass, but not as bad as his assy friends, who show up and act like total...guess? Asses. Lorelai starts missing Rory and tries to call her cell phone, at which point she is disappointed: Rory's number is no longer working. Jackson's relatives are in town for the baptism of the kids, and Sookie is freaking. Lane flips when pfTL spends the tour money on home recording equipment. She and Rory have kind of grown apart, and it's sad, and I'm pissed that Lane doesn't smack her down for the Yale/Logan debacle. Sookie asks Lorelai and Rory to be godparents to Martha and Davey, respectively. Naturally, hijinks of the highest order ensue when the Gilmores are reunited. Logan gets all in a snit because his dad has expectations of him, and he whisks Rory off for a spontaneous trip to New York.
We open at Lorelai's. Construction is STILL going ON. I can't take any more of it! I think we're supposed to believe that the entire summer has passed by now, so I shudder to think of the amount of money that has and will be paid to the ever-present, time-and-a-half construction team. I feel like maybe I'm due a bit of that money since I have now started three recaps with "construction continues at Lorelai's house." The whole construction/re-construction/tools theme is cramping my style. Haaaa...I said "tools." Lorelai is sorting through old VHS tapes, trying to clean out closets and whatnot, while Luke is upstairs raging about the shoddy workmanship that has been done in the bedroom and bathroom. Lorelai reminds him that it's a work in progress, and that his being up there is like busting into an operating room in the middle of a heart transplant, and complaining to the surgeon that the heart is outside the body: "You're like, 'Hey, his heart should be in his chest,' and the surgeon's like, 'Dude, I'm not done yet, get out of the operating room.'" When Luke says he's going to check the bathroom fixtures, she starts yelling "fire" to get him to come downstairs. He comes down, telling her she can't be yelling "fire," and she reminds him that that only applies to movie theaters -- crowded ones: "If you're watching a Wednesday matinee of Deuce Bigalow, you can yell fire all you want. Hell, you can start a fire, and no one will complain." Luke ignores this, picking up a full box of video tapes and says it seems her discard project is going along nicely. She says those aren't the ones she's tossing, and shows him another box, containing only two tapes, of her cast-offs. Luke rolls his eyes, saying it was her idea to use the remodel to purge herself of useless stuff. "Yeah," she nods, "'useless.' I'm keeping what I need." Luke: "You need an episode of Magnum P.I. from 1986?" Y'all. Confession time. Magnum is my favorite show of all time. This past summer, I Tivoed two episodes a day. Best summer of my life, too. Coincidence? I think not. My husband has made me cut back to just one daily dose of the Selleck, so for a moment my heart sang at the prospect of some Gilmore Girls/Magnum crossover. I don't know...maybe Tom Selleck could show up in a flashback as Luke's dad. Oh my GOD. I am brilliant. Do it, Palladinos, and I will trill your praises unto the four corners.
Anyway, that was my little second of television fantasy, ruined in the next moment when Lorelai reveals that the tape was mislabeled, and that it's actually an episode of Knots Landing.. Luke then picks up her first-season recordings of 21 Jump Street which...is Pamie writing this actual show, now? Anyway, when he suggests that she just get the DVDs to save space, she says she can't do it. "The DVDs don't have the commercials on them," she says. "Spuds Mackenzie? Clara Peller? 'Nothing comes between me and my Calvins'? I mean, they don't make 'em like that anymore." Luke tells her she's going to end up being one of those crazy old people who hoards empty film canisters and laundry measuring scoops. Lorelai: "Uh, 'gonna be'?" Yeah, exactly. She picks up a tape, happily saying it's one she's been looking for. It's Riding the Bus with My Sister. Luke apparently hasn't heard of this masterpiece, so she explains to him that the film features Rosie O'Donnell as "a retarded woman who's obsessed with riding the bus," and all the other great, great features of the film, such as Rosie calling herself "the sheriff" and talking about her sex life. Luke turns green and says Lorelai should watch it tonight after he leaves and then throw it away. She is incredulous. This movie would clearly be a "Friday-night special"; she'd have to get take-out, Red Vines, Mallomars, etc. to make it right. How are this woman and her child so thin? Anyway, she goes on, it's not something she'd watch alone...She stops short, and we know she's thinking of Rory. If Luke gets it, he doesn't let on, and tells her she at least should try to pare down the rest of the tapes. She says she promises to do so if he promises not to go upstairs again. He says he just wants to check one thing. To stop him, Lorelai whips out America's Castles: "Florida edition. Seen it five times. Keeping it!" He says it's just one thing that he wants to check, but when she fires back with a seven-hour documentary about paper, he gives.