Gilmore Girls
Application Anxiety

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Rory's Sudden Freak-Out

Chilton. Paris is yelling at some professor-type that this is her natural speaking voice and its normal volume. She runs over to Rory and says, "Short-sighted morons." She complains that she went to a lot of trouble to set up this seminar and the professor-type won't let Paris run it the way she wants. Rory says they'll just sit up there and ask the experts questions. Paris says that's predictable, boring, and done to death. She wanted to do some kind of Charlie Rose with them. She wanted a roundtable with black backdrops. Rory wonders how anybody would see anything. Paris says she was working with the "losers in A/V club" to set up video screens. Then she says her professor said, "Paris, this isn't the Beatles at Shea Stadium." Paris continues: "Nice anachronism, huh? Like they had video screens in '63." She means 1965, but that's Daniel Palladino's problem, and not Paris's. "His references are as topical as his suits," Paris says, and I'll just leave that one out there. It's too easy, and might even be Paris making a shout-out to me talking about Daniel. They call Paris and Rory to the stage.

Paris introduces the seminar. It's a panel to discuss the best way to get into the college you want. One panelist is an admissions officer at Princeton, and the other is a college consultant. Paris asks what would be the biggest mistake a person could make on an application. "Forgetting to send it in would be the worst mistake, but perfunctory answers would be high on my list," Princeton says. He says that he wants original answers, interesting answers. He holds his head in his hands and bemoans the thought of having to read another essay on Hillary Clinton. Cue the shocked pout from Rory. "I hear that," Consultant says so stiltedly and awkwardly, I can't help wondering if she's making fun of the line. Why can't they hire one good under-five on this show? Are they terrified of any acting out-acting the excellent actors on this show, or is everyone hired as a favor? Both speakers agree that anyone who would write an essay on Hillary Clinton either is trying to write what he or she thinks the admissions officer is looking for, or has no original thoughts. Paris says that when she was twelve and writing one of her trial essays in preparation for the real thing, she chose Hillary Clinton. "Then I realized every brain-dead bint in a skirt would be writing about Hillary. But, it was good to clear the pipes." Princeton says they don't like people with poor printing. They don't like people who say they love every single extra-curricular activity. Bad Actress says that the activities should indicate a personality behind them -- a focus. "Again, you're trying too hard there. One can't be interested in everything!" Princeton jokes that the applicant who expresses interest in every extra-curricular activity is probably the type of person to have college paraphernalia on his or her walls growing up. This had better be a nightmare sequence for Rory, because it's such bullshit. "Too hungry! A little immature!" adds Princeton. Paris, starting to freak out, asks Rory if she'd like to ask a question. "No," Rory pouts. "No, thank you." Paris asks how early a student should send in an application. Princeton says that it just needs to be in by the due date. Early Admission is for pussies. Rory freaks out as Princeton describes the "hyper-intense candidate."

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