Gilmore Girls
Ballrooms And Biscotti

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Stars Hollow Summer Vacation Essay

Kirk's in the credits. And Lane. And Paris. And Michel. So even though three of these people aren't in this episode, they're still around for this season. And because they were sick of the Jess v. Dean debate, both boys are gone. Look what we did.

The next morning Lorelai and Rory are laying out and labeling all of the souvenirs. Lorelai is on the phone with one of the consulates, letting them know that both Lorelai Gilmores are home safely. More trivia for your make-at-home Gilmore Girls game: Babette's last name is "Dell." Lorelai tells the Belgian consulate that she and Rory both loved the fries. Lorelai says she's taking a break before calling the Netherlands. Rory says that Babette only did this because she loves them. Lorelai: "Well, be a little less lovable, would you? Because it's costing me a fortune." Lorelai says she'd rather Rory were more like one of those girls about whom people would say, "Oh, really? She was kidnapped? Hey. Well. Thin the herd." Rory asks whom the rosary beads are for. Lorelai says they're hers. Rory asks what she needs them for. "They're cute," Lorelai says. "They're for prayer," Rory informs her. Lorelai: "Well, pray they match my blue suit?" Hee. I've got about seven different rosaries because I, too, find them "cute." But I don't know if I'd wear them as a fashion accessory. Wait. I do wear a Our Lady of the Guadalupe medallion every once in a while. And it says "Pray for Us" on one side, which really makes my boyfriend uncomfortable, because he, like Rory, thinks I'm getting a Jacuzzi and queen-sized bed in my junior suite in Hell. Lorelai asks whom the Pieta placemat is for (Gypsy). I am totally coveting Rory's shirt in this scene. And Lorelai's shirt.

Another confusing turn of events: Lorelai has scheduled their week. This is the last week before Rory leaves for college, so Lorelai wants to make sure they've gotten everything covered. Today is distributing gifts and then hitting the mall. Tomorrow they see three crappy movies and then dinner at Emily's. Saturday they're off to New York for art galleries and the Strand. "Yes!" Rory shouts, which is what I shouted as we passed it in a cab this summer, the closest I got to going to the Strand. In fact, the other people in the cab were like, "That would be your favorite place in the world, Pam. Biggest bookstore in the world. There it goes. It's so tiny now. Bye, Pam's favorite place. We're off to see the Matthew Barney exhibit! Woo! Yay, Cremaster Cycle!" ["The Strand? Not so great. It's cramped and hot and all the books -- even the new ones -- have coffee stains or cigarette ashes on them. It's just as well you didn't go, because you would have been really disappointed." -- Wing Chun] Lorelai is still talking. Sunday, they pick up school supplies and then there's a barbecue at Sookie's. Monday is mani-pedi-facial, haircut, and stocking up for Tuesday, the day of all days: the day they watch all three Godfather films with extra showings of the Sofia death scene. Back when I lived in Austin, I did a theatre piece once with two friends called We Are So Much Better Than Everybody Else, where we had a contest to see who would be crowned The Rightest. We took questions from the audience concerning movies, and would discuss the answers. Then the audience would vote on who was the rightest out of the three of us, settling all arguments for the next year. Although I had mad points for "What are your five favorite movies?" because Chuy had the balls to answer, "I'm going to put Citizen Kane as my favorite movie, even though I've never seen it, because I'm sure it is." But the winner and still champion, since we've never held a rematch, was my friend Jeff who, when asked "What's the worst line from a film ever?" stood up immediately, crossed his eyes and whimpered, "Dad?" and then spun on his heels and fell on his face. The audience broke into applause. I still say mine's a pretty good answer, too: "Is it raining? I hadn't noticed." But yay, Jeff. You are still the rightest. See you soon. Rory says that Tuesday will be the perfect day. She says they have just enough biscotti from Milan to last them the week. Lorelai says that everything is in order, so they should get going delivering gifts. There's so much stuff, though, that the girls don't know how to get it out of the house. Lorelai says they need some tote bags. Rory doesn't know where, how, or why they'd have a tote bag. Lorelai: "Every woman who's ever purchased seventy-five dollars' worth Clinique products has some tote bags!" Hee! You also get tote bags from: movie festivals, interactive festivals, screenwriting festivals, charity events, walkathons, and being Djb's friend. Rory says they don't have any tote bags. Lorelai wonders how they're going to get that stuff out of the house.

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