Luke pours coffee for his diner patrons as Kirk laughs over Marmaduke's latest antics. The phone rings, and it's Taylor. He's got some bad news for Luke: someone has made a competing offer on the Twickham house, and this other person can pay cash for the down payment. Taylor claims that he tried defend Luke's right to buy the place, but "the powers that be" are considering going with the other guy. Luke says he'll up his offer, then. Taylor says that won't work -- the competing guy has "vast resources" amounting to a quarter of a million dollars in cash. Luke demands to know who Stars Hollow's Mr. Moneybags is. Taylor tells him, but we don't hear it. Luke hangs up the phone and marches over to Kirk, who greets him with a "Sally Forth is on fire today! On FIRE!" I usually find Kirk to be annoying and weird, but that line was really, really funny.
Luke doesn't care about Sally Forth, though. He screams his question to Kirk about how the hell he got a quarter of a million dollars. That's right; the guy who threatened to sleep in an igloo when no one would give him a couch to crash on actually has a quarter of a million dollars at his fingertips. 247,868 dollars, to be exact. Kirk says he's had fifteen thousand jobs over the last eleven years and saved everything he ever earned. That's easy to do when you don't have to pay rent, I supposed. His savings, plus "the miracle of compound interest," have made him a quarter-millionaire. Compound interest is indeed a miracle. One of my favorite math classes was when I learned about how you could put two dollars in a retirement fund when you were twenty-one, and then by the time you were sixty-five, you would be a billionaire. Meanwhile, you could put half a million dollars in that same account when you were forty, and it would be worth, like, half a million and two dollars when you turned sixty-five. Kirk says he wants to buy the Twickham house for himself and Lulu, and he doesn't care that Luke wanted it first. Luke says there is no way Kirk is stealing his house. Kirk says that he did a little research, and found that Luke's current financial status means he can't afford a down payment of more than 5%. Kirk, presumably, can afford a lot more than that. Luke says he's one of Stars Hollow Bank's "oldest customers." Kirk says he's Stars Hollow Bank's "biggest customer." How does a town of six hundred people have its own bank? And wouldn't a guy with a steady job like Luke be less of a risk than a guy who does odd jobs all the time, regardless of his ability to make a down payment? Luke asks why, if Kirk has all this money, Kirk was arguing with Luke over an extra penny of sales tax. Kirk says that the fact that he won that argument shows why he has much more money than Luke. He asks Luke for change of a hundred, and Luke storms out.