Gilmore Girls
Bridesmaids Revisited

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Al Lowe: B- | Grade It Now!
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Never The Bride

Lane goes to the music store to put up her fancy flyer. She feels pretty good about it until she sees Zach and Joel, the interloper from their ill-fated showcase, playing a little set in the back room. Well, "set" is maybe too strong a word. Zach is mangling a banjo and singing "Take Me Riding in the Car" while Joel Gion, seriously underutilized, bangs his famous tambourine and kicks his mom in the front row to keep her awake. Zach catches a glimpse of Lane leaving the store and casts off the banjo mid-song, instructing Joel to "take it." He runs to the bulletin board, sees Lane's flyer, and rips it down, crumpling it into a ball as Joel flails and gyrates in impromptu performance.

At her apartment, Rory stands in front of a mirror getting ready for her panel as Sonic Youth blares in the background. Logan walks up, startling her, and they do a little vaudeville: him apologizing, her saying "What?," over and over because the music is too loud. It...isn't funny. Logan tells her she looks great. "I see you went with Faye Dunaway in Network," he says. An apt comparison, to be sure, because the outfit is bangin', but I'd like to see Rory up against Faye Dunaway, man. Maybe with some wire hangers thrown in, just to make things interesting. Rory laughs and sits to put on her shoes, saying she's thrown in some "Maureen Dowd come-hither pumps for good measure." Rory, Rory. It's the eyes that say "come hither." The shoes? Say something else. She does look great, though, so who am I to complain? ["Eh, I can't agree. Either the dress itself or the way the blazer fit over it made her look like she had a huge ass, which we all know she does not." -- Wing Chun] Logan says he wishes he could be there to see her panel, but that he has to go to his sister's wedding rehearsal. Rory says she doesn't care, and that, anyway, he would find it boring. He's drinking scotch, trying to get his tie straight, wondering how he got conned into being one of Josh's groomsmen. "He's going to be your brother-in-law," Rory says. Logan says yeah, he's going to be his brother-in-law, but isn't yet. Right now, he drones, Josh is nothing more to Logan than the guy who holds Honor's purse when she shops: "Because of that, I have to spend the next six hours practicing to walk in a straight line." Rory says that since he has failed to accomplish that thus far, he needs the practice. "You can always talk to your good friend, 'Flasky,'" she adds, trying to cheer him up. Ugh. I wish Flasky were here right now. Logan says he doesn't get the need for wedding rehearsal. Plus, he says, afterward he has to go to a dinner and hang out with all Honor's bridesmaids, whom he hates. Rory says they can't be that bad. "Oh, no," he groans. "Blondie; Dipsy; Bubbles; Four Nose Jobs; and Charm McGee? All great gals." Okay. "Four Nose Jobs" is very funny. He tries to get Rory to blow off the mixer after her panel so that she can join him for the dinner. She tells him again that she won't have time: "I will be here waiting for you when you get back, and I will have aspirin." ["He's coming back to his apartment tonight, from New York, if the wedding is tomorrow, also in New York? Not." -- Wing Chun] Rory leads the reluctant Logan to the door and shoves him out, shaking her head. Moments later, he rushes back in. "Did you forget something?" she asks, and can hardly get the sentence out before he locks her in an embrace with a big romantic smooch. "You look incredible," he says, dramatically. "Knock 'em dead." It would be so nice and romantic if these weren't twenty-one-year-olds pretending to be, like, thirty-nine. That is my #1 complaint about Logan, and I suppose what Rory allegedly finds attractive about him.

Lorelai walks into the room where the panel will be held, and finds Christopher, waiting. He kisses her cheek in a semi-awkward hello. She tells him he looks nice, and he foreshadows that he thinks his current haircut cost him more than all the haircuts he'd had in his life, combined. "Well," Lorelai says, "it was worth it. It looks very, very...short." Rory comes up, calling, "Mom! Dad!," and they stand up to greet her, forming a nice, backlit family tableau that seriously pisses me off. Do not be trying to get Lorelai and Christopher back together. I can't take that. Although, if they started making out right now, it might redeem both this scene and this episode, which are both lukewarm (not to be confused with Warm Luke) and lame. They bang the "cute family" anvil a bit harder: Christopher tells Rory she's going to do great, and Lorelai tells her she's a natural. "Just remember," Lorelai adds, "if you don't do well, we will stop loving you." They sit down as the panel starts, and Lorelai offers Chris some Milk Duds. The moderator introduces the panel of Ivy League journalists, and I fall asleep for a second.

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