Gilmore Girls
Bridesmaids Revisited

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Never The Bride

After the panel, Christopher and Lorelai are walking out, continuing to be mystified by the genius the created. "My God," Chris says, "she's smart." Lorelai nods. "She is smart. She's Anthony Michael Hall in Breakfast Club smart," she says. "All me, baby. All me." Suddenly, Chris receives a text message, and says it's from Gigi's new nanny. "Oh," Lorelai snarks. "Does Sienna know about this?" (By the way, did y'all see Sienna Miller's naked torso in the most recent Vanity Fair? Disappointed! Let's just say I felt an unprecedented wish that she'd put on any of these outfits rather than torment the world with her breasts.) Chris is upset; the nanny has texted (messaged?) that she can't work Sunday, when he's going to be out of the house, with family, visiting his dad's grave: "I'm thinking it might not be the thrill for Gigi that it is for the rest of us. This single parent stuff..." Lorelai smiles with much irony. "Fun, huh?" she says. Chris says that he's having an impossible time getting Gigi into any private preschools. "You could always send her to public school," Lorelai says. Chris: "Yes, I could, if I wanted to kill my mother." Uh...do I have to go there, you legions of public-school alumni? Will you rise up with me now and strike down the oppressor? The same oppressor who so braggadociosly eluded mere episodes ago to his miserable track record as a private-schooler? Will you say it with me now? SHUT UP, CHRISTOPHER. Lorelai very foolishly now volunteers to watch Gigi any time he needs her. She has, she says, plenty of Rory's old books and games and will be happy to help him out.

In some pink-festooned room in West Hartford, Gil and Brian are jamming out with their new band, performing at the coolest bat mitzvah ever. This is my reward for getting through the first half of this episode: Sebastian Bach singing "Hollaback Girl," giving it 110%. He is AWESOME. They are less than thrilled to see Zach creep into the room, moving toward the stage. The song ends and the girls go wild. Gil says he can see why Julia Lohman, the girl of the hour, likes the song: "Because it's full of strong female attitude, which I can dig. Now let me tell you, Julia, guys are turned on by that. They like girls with legs and brains -- like, smart biker chicks, you know?" Julia looks a little grossed out, but it's still great. When the cake comes out of the kitchen, the band takes a break. "I think you used a little too much whammy bar during 'My Humps,'" Brian tells Gil, openly ignoring Zach. Zach finally gets their attention, and Gil gives it to him straight: "You're way deep in my bogus bag, and it's Ziplocked shut." Zach tries again, saying that they sounded great, but they're not falling for it. He tries to pull Brian's heartstrings, instead: "So, uh, I reached a new level on Soul Calibur III. Level 50 assassin." Hee. It's cute, and I find myself glad to see Zach...which I will soon come to regret. Zach gets around to what he came for, saying that he wants to fix things between them. Gil says it's too late. "It's not," Zach says, agreeing that he was an idiot: "If I could turn back time, I would." Brian interrupts: "Oh, hey. 'Turn Back Time.' We should add that to the set." Gil nods: "Well, Cher is always a slam-dunk." Zach says he doesn't mean to get all Brokeback Mountain on them, but that he misses them and wants Hep Alien to get back together. They say they won't do it unless he can get Lane back in the band, and Zach tells them to leave that up to him. "I'm gonna reason with her," he says. They are all happy that Hep Alien will soon rock again, and are high-fiving until a relative of the birthday girl comes over to tell them it's "time for the big one." Gil straps his guitar back in place and hits the mic: "All right! Let's bring this whole mishpachah down to the dance floor, 'cause it's time to ROCK-a-dila!" With that, the band busts into "Hava Nagila," and Zach joins in the celebration.

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Gilmore Girls

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