Gilmore Girls
Bridesmaids Revisited

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Never The Bride

Back at Lorelai's, things aren't going too much better. Apparently, Gigi has wrecked the joint. "I don't know how you did it, kid," Lorelai says, "but everything I own is now broken or missing." Gigi continues to color, in permanent marker, on Lorelai's hardwood floors, oblivious to this subtle insult. Because she's three. And needs to be picked up by her belt loops and restrained in a corner until she learns how to behave. Harsh? Maybe, but when Gigi looks right in Lorelai's eye and runs the marker across the floor on purpose, because she is the spawn of hell, I don't think any such punishment other than mandatory jail time is harsh enough. Lorelai jerks the marker away, causing Gigi to scream like she's being murdered. "Okay," Lorelai says. "If that's your Donald Sutherland in Invasion Of The Body Snatchers impression, it's a really good one." Gigi takes a breath and begins to scream anew. Lorelai tells her that if she stops screaming, she'll give her a caramel apple (because clearly what this child needs is sugar) ["not to mention that I thought we were supposed to think Lorelai was a supermom who shouldn't have to resort to bribery to control a child" -- Wing Chun], and that seems to do the trick. "Nothing a little eardrum replacement surgery won't fix," Lorelai says, before the demon jumps up and runs into Rory's room, though she has been given strict instructions not to do so. Completely flabbergasted, Lorelai loses it. "I know this is a cliché," she yells, "but just wait 'til your father gets home!" Life lesson: never babysit the child of the man by whom you have had a child, who left you yet again in the lurch for the mother of this new child, and who was subsequently abandoned himself by that child's mother. They should put that in one of those Chicken Soup books.

Logan finally finds Rory, still in the dressing room. "There you are," he says, all happy to see her. He had, he says, looked for her during the ceremony, but couldn't find her. "Where were you?" he asks, opening the door to his doom. "I was here," she answers. Logan is surprised that she missed the wedding. "I'll apologize to Honor later," she responds, flatly. Logan asks her what's wrong. "You didn't say a word," Rory says. "You just let me walk into a room full of girls you'd had sex with." (Though I suppose, technically, he had not realized that she would be pulled into the whole bridal dressing chamber nightmare. Not that he is excused from my wrath, or anything.) He closes his eyes in realization. Rory acknowledges that, fine, he only had sex with two of them; the other one was just fooling around: "Whatever that means. She spared me the exact parameters of the fooling around. You want to fill me in?" Logan tries to begin to say something, but Rory goes on: "You know what? I've got a good imagination; I can figure it out." Logan tries again, but Rory keeps going: "I can't believe it. You didn't cheat on me; you really cheated on me." Logan shakes his head and quietly says he did not cheat on her. He says, Ross Geller-style, that they were "broken up." Rory is incredulous: "No, you were broken up. I thought we were just taking some time." Logan doesn't like the semantics -- he says they weren't seeing each other, thus broken up. "No! To break up," Rory says, "you have to tell the other person. You can't just decide that you're broken up and just go off and..." She says she can't believe she fell for all his dumb tricks to get her back: "The coffee cart, and going to my mother. You went to my mother! Why would you bother going through that? You had plenty of backup! What did you need me for?!" Logan -- whose hands are still in his pockets, irritating me to no end -- clenches out that he loves her. "No," Rory says, "don't." Logan says he didn't lie to her; he just didn't want her to know about any of this, because it was meaningless and he didn't want her to be hurt. He blames it all on the ditzes, saying that they love to cause trouble like this, and that it's all their fault Rory is upset: "I was depressed. I've known these girls forever, it was just companionship." Rory ain't having any of that, though. She tells him not to be at the apartment the next day between 10 and 1, because she's coming to get her stuff and, somehow not tripping over her ridiculously long hem, she stomps out.

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Gilmore Girls

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