Wearing the same clothes we left her in last episode, Rory is awakened by the sounds of strummy guitars. She sits up and looks around, only to find herself in the same location we left her in last week as well -- the bathroom.
Paris holds her head as she sits at the kitchen table. Kirk enters looking similarly pained. "Founder's Day Punch?" Paris asks. "Abba Zabbas," Kirk replies. "Good morning Vietnam!" shouts Lorelai as she enters the room, her arms filled with bags of greasy fast food. Lorelai explains to a confused Paris that this is the best hangover food "on the east coast," leading one to ask in return, "What is the best hangover food on the west coast?" I have no idea, since my choice of hangover food, regardless of what coast I'm on, is one saltine and two Advils. Rory staggers into the kitchen and is pleased to see hangover food ready and waiting for her. Paris takes a bite out of a taco. "I think I'm gonna throw up," she says. She waits a beat, and then says, "No, I'm good." Hee. Can we just watch Paris get hit with waves of nausea all episode? Apparently not, as our attention moves to Rory, who asks why Lorelai left her lying on the bathroom floor all night. Lorelai says that her efforts to move Rory were met with kicks and vomiting. Rory apologizes for both. Paris makes a request that no one mention vomiting in her presence again. Rory and Lorelai leave the kitchen, and Kirk sits back down, complaining of a cavity.
Lorelai gives Rory a beef burrito, saying she think Rory's Gilmore stomach can handle it. I laugh at the writers for trying to make us believe that Alexis Bledel has ever even looked at a beef burrito, let alone eaten one. If I were Lorelai, I'd be concerned as to how my daughter got such a tolerance for alcohol that even though she drank twice as much as Paris, she's only half as sick. But I'm not Lorelai, who is now telling Rory how Paris is now the "talk of the town" after attacking a pretzel cart, forcing the police to call for backup for the first time ever. I wish we could have seen that -- Paris attacking the pretzel cart, giant pieces of salt flying everywhere, the police realizing they need backup and consulting the town charter for instruction on how to call for it, only to realize that the section hasn't been updated since its creation two hundred and thirty years ago and they're supposed to call up some Minute Men. Kirk dashes through town, shouting "the Paris is coming, the Paris is coming!" and the local militia, in the form of Luke and Taylor, arrive on the scene wearing their finest tricorne hats. I wouldn't be surprised if this happens on the next Daniel Palladino-written episode. Rory agrees that Paris was a mess. Lorelai points out that she had company. Rory apologizes for the underage drinking, and Lorelai lectures that Rory, of all people, should know the dangers of Miss Patty's Punch after Lorelai had too much at last year's "Salute to the Quakers" festival and did a Coyote Ugly bar dance. And also, apparently, traveled back in time to the year 2000, when that pop-culture reference was still relevant. Lorelai says she didn't like seeing Rory "like that." Rory says she doesn't like seeing herself like that either. Thus concludes Lorelai's attempt at mothering, and we now move onto the best friends portion of the scene. Lorelai asks Rory about her relationship with Logan, but Rory won't say anything. Lorelai looks hurt.