Gilmore Girls
But Not As Cute As Pushkin

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They've Got the Boat; They Just Need the Shark

Lorelai carries a bag full of strummy-strummy-la-la over her shoulder and "almost" "runs into" Miss Patty. "Whoa, honey!" Miss Patty shouts, and it's like the dinner theatre show has begun. Lorelai apologizes: "I didn't see you there." Moving on from the obvious joke...Miss Patty somehow knows that inside Lorelai's bag are several pairs of shoes. Lorelai says it's a sickness: "Everyone thinks it started with Bradshaw, but actually it came over with the Mayflower." Miss Patty thanks Lorelai for the history lesson. Shoes are tossed between the women, and we hear angry Italian from inside the shop. Miss Patty explains that Pasquale is feeling unappreciated again, even though they just had "Stars Hollow Loves Pasquale Day" last week. "It didn't stick," says Miss Patty. She then invites Lorelai to her anniversary party. Lorelai asks which husband the party is for. Miss Patty explains that it's her anniversary with "the business we call show." Forty years of Miss Patty trying to convince us all that people pay money to see her stand on a stage. She's throwing a boozy, song-and-dance party at her studio to celebrate the forty years since that one day she did her off-off-off-Broadway (Cleveland) show. Lorelai says she'll even drag Luke there so she'd appreciate it if Miss Patty would pick on him publicly. Miss Patty tells Lorelai that Luke won't be coming. Lorelai promises that she has effective methods of persuasion, involving extremely high heels and all of Jessica Simpson's bath products. Miss Patty says that the party is on Tuesday, the 30th, which is Luke's Dark Day. But it's weird because the episode is airing on Tuesday the 30th, and I can't help thinking they are now intentionally messing with our heads. And if the party is right now when we're watching the show, then who's watching us?! Miss Patty tells Lorelai that Luke has a yearly "Dark Day," where he disappears and nobody knows where he goes. "Why didn't I know about this?" Lorelai asks. Because you're self-centered. Because you never asked. Because you have lived in this town for almost twenty years but somehow seem to know next to nothing about its history. Miss Patty unsympathetically tells Lorelai that everybody else knows about Luke's Dark Day. Lorelai heads into the shoe store, flirting up a storm with Pasquale, prompting Miss Patty to note, "Oh, she's good." You should see what Lorelai does to get free coffee.

I don't know who ordered the blanket that covers the couch in Paris and Rory's common room, but it is hideous. It looks like I knitted it. Terrence, Paris's life coach, is back, and is encouraging her to start dating again, even though the love of her life just passed away and she's a double major (Poly Sci. and Bio Chem., for those of you creating the ultimate trivia game) and all boys are stupid. Terrence calls Paris "timid," and suggests that she's not putting herself "out there." Just as Paris says the words "Asher was very important to me," Rory -- currently orbiting her own planet -- interrupts Paris's three-hundred-an-hour coaching session to ask if anyone has seen her notebook. I'm sorry, Rory, is Paris getting coached in how to succeed in your life? Terrence ignores Rory and tells Paris again that she's not putting herself out there. Paris says, "He just died." Terrence flippantly suggests that Brimful-of-Asher was halfway dead when Paris met him. Terrence asks Rory whether Paris has tried to meet men. Paris says you don't just "meet people." Rory doesn't want to help, so she says she'll go to her room. Terrence scolds Paris for being a month behind on both her dream log and her pretty thoughts journal. Paris says she shouldn't be penalized for not thinking pretty lately since Terrence was in court-ordered rehab. Rory butts in again to ask Paris why she hadn't told her about a message sitting on the table from Headmaster Charleston. Paris is busy, Rory. Take a number. Terrence defends himself, saying he had a back problem and the prescription was in his Filofax. Fucking Rory (which is starting to catch on as her nickname, I must say), then makes a cell-phone call right there. "Hello? HEADMASTER CHARLESTON? This is Rory Gilmore. I'm SORRY it took SO LONG to call you back. I JUST got your message." Terrence tells Rory she's being passive-aggressive. Sing it, Terrence.

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Gilmore Girls

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