Gilmore Girls
Chicken Or Beef?

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CuteDean's Not A Virgin Anymore

The strummy-strummy la la takes us to Rory exiting her car. It's night. Rory has cut her hair. It's now in a bob to her chin. It's not unlike the haircut AB Chao gave me this summer -- the one that caused my boyfriend to first comment, "What did you do?" And after my mom couldn't recognize me walking toward her, she asked, "When are you growing it back?" But yes, back to Rory. She's carrying two large laundry bags. I'm pretty sure Rory didn't wear all of those clothes in five days, and there's no way Rory skipped coming home one weekend, is there? And if it's Friday night, she should be on her way to Emily's anyway. Rory stops for a second and takes a look at her home. She smiles. Home is great.

Until Rory enters the house, where she trips a very loud security alarm. Rory holds her head and staggers into the living room. Lorelai runs to the alarm box and tries to enter a code as Rory asks, "What's going on?" Pretty easy to figure out there, Yalie. ["Maybe she goes to Special Yale." -- Wing Chun] Rory asks if that's a smoke detector. Lorelai says it's the alarm. There's debate over whether they have an alarm or "really angry rats." Lorelai turns around to see Rory's hair. "Did you cut your hair?" she asks perfectly, with her hands coming up to touch her own collarbone, and her mouth agape. Rory says she just trimmed it. By the way, they're yelling over the alarm, which is still going off. Lorelai is hurt that Rory didn't tell her she cut off all her hair. Rory says it was a spur-of-the-moment thing. Lorelai calls Rory a G.I. Jane. Rory asks if they can have the conversation after the air raid.

Lorelai pushes Rory into a corner of the living room, a place where the motion sensors can't find them, so that the alarm stops wailing. It's not a very good alarm system if it doesn't alert the police or the alarm company, is it? Lorelai asks again why Rory didn't tell her about the haircut. Rory repeats that it's just a trim. "To the Braille Institute, it's just a trim," Lorelai says. Rory asks if Lorelai likes it. "Will you put it back if I don't?" Lorelai responds. Rory whines, and Lorelai says she likes it. The alarm stops. "It feels good when it's over, huh?" Lorelai asks. Rory asks when they got an alarm. "Apparently Kirk --" Lorelai starts, when Rory interrupts with an "Oh, no." Kirk has joined the Stars Hollow Security Company. He thinks that Lorelai is a "pretty spinster," and he's concerned for her safety. She came home and found the alarm already installed with a note from Kirk, his card, and his gun. But when she called the alarm center to complain about the alarm, nobody answered. She left a message with Meg, the woman who sweeps up. Rory wonders why Stars Hollow even has a security service, since nothing ever happens there. Now that Jess has moved. Lorelai says that's not true at all, since people now break into houses and install alarm systems. Lorelai tells Rory there's a new mail carrier, too, who delivers all of the mail to the wrong people. Miss Patty gets theirs. Babette's goes to Andrew. Norma's is delivered to the deli. Taylor has yet to find his mail. Rory notes that Stars Hollow is "hopping." Lorelai asks if she's eaten yet. Rory says she hasn't, and figured Lorelai would feed her. "Sure," Lorelai says. I do believe Emily is supposed to be feeding you, Rory. Lorelai says she can feed Rory, but she doesn't get informed about haircuts. Rory promises to never do anything again without telling Lorelai, something that she's been promising every week for eighteen years. Lorelai says she likes the guilt thing. Rory makes a move for the front door to fetch her laundry, and trips the alarm again. "You made it mad!" Lorelai says. Rory runs back to the corner and holds her ears. "No place like home, huh?" Lorelai yells. Rory whines. Eventually we fade to opening credits. "Is this one Daniel?" my boyfriend asks. "No. Although the mention of a string of townies makes it suspicious. But the writing's too easygoing to be Daniel's." "I think he wrote it," my boyfriend declares.

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Gilmore Girls

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