Gilmore Girls
Come Home

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Pamie: B | Grade It Now!
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Control Your Woman

The band arrives at MamaLane's. Sebastian Bach thinks they might be early, since he doesn't hear anything, but Lane explains that's the sound of a couple dozen Christian-Koreans partying down. Brian immediately launches into a fun fact about the décor: he did a little internet reading on the Korean New Year. Sebastian Bach says that the internet also has lots of pictures of girls with tattoos on motorcycles: "You would think it gets old? But it DOESN'T." Sebastian Bach's been reading my website, I guess. I hope he likes my "18 and Life" tattoo, next to my "I Remember You" tattoo. You're all too young to know where I put those. As Sebastian Bach hides his AC/DC ring, MamaLane answers the door. Sebastian Bach goes for an unreturned handshake. Brian greets MamaLane in Korean. "He likes the internet," Lane explains. "Who's this half-boy hiding behind you?" she asks. Lane calmly reminds MamaLane that she's met mfTL a few times. I don't know why they insist on calling him by that "Zach" name. "Happy New Year, I guess," mfTL drones.

Watch out, Lorelai! There's your ex-boyfriend Snow all over the place! Don't let him see you until you put on more makeup, lose five pounds, and totally have a great boyfriend. Lorelai runs into Jackson and Davey on the street. Jackson asks Lorelai if she'll lay off of Sookie's hours right now, because she's been staying at the inn awful late and it's taking a toll on their family and her pregnancy. Lorelai doesn't know what Jackson's talking about with the late nights, since Lorelai's sure Sookie's been leaving even before Lorelai does. Sookie would have to call it a day at around 2 PM for that to be possible. Lorelai pretends to know what Jackson's talking about, and says she'll take care of it. Jackson tells Davey it's time to get him laid (I'm not kidding; it's what he says), and they leave.

Emily leaves her house, giving one last order to her maid to get rid of the fish smell. She meets Richard in the driveway. Richard is curt and cold. Emily notices his change. See? One joke, and then the rest of the scene is done almost silently, with really good acting. Give Richard and Emily their own show. With Lane. Why can't they have the spin-off? Why did they just get rid of the whole spin-off thing just because it didn't work with Jess? Didn't Dawson get five spin-offs? (Smashing Pumpkins: Gish.)

MamaLane's. Long pan across several tables of families, only to discover Lane and her band at the Kids' Table. It's just the four of them, without even a tablecloth, chowing down. Sebastian Bach loves the food because it's "slimy," which goes down easier: "And I get the sense it keeps sliding, right? Which helps your colon and stuff! Because it scrapes when it slides? And because it's not in ya for long, you don't get fat." That's way more fat jokes in one episode than this show normally allows. Rude mfTL can't even fake enjoying himself at Lane's family's home. He complains about the food, and then stands to leave the table. But the little kid sitting next to him loudly informs him, "You're not allowed to leave the table!" MfTL tells him that nature's calling, but it doesn't matter: "Nature must wait!" The entire table drops chopsticks and stares. Nobody leaves the table. In fact, MamaLane locks the bathroom door. (Snoop: Doggy Style.) MamaLane stands and announces they are done with this portion of the meal. There will be a thirty-minute break before dessert, while Mrs. Shin and her fellow musicians play in the other room. Awesome! The Shins are gonna play again! (Tones on Tail: Night Music.) Brian gives fun facts on all the Korean instruments. Sebastian Bach gets permission from the little kid to get up. Kyong is impressed with Brian's knowledge of Korean culture, and then immediately shamed for talking to him. She says she should go straight to her room. Brian asks her to stay. Aw, awkward love. MamaLane gives Lane a look. Perhaps because Lane's boyfriend is making a face like he's trapped in a haunted house.

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Gilmore Girls

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