Gilmore Girls
Come Home

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Control Your Woman

Luke turns off the lamp and gives Lorelai a couple of kisses. Lorelai sleeps in full makeup. Well, she doesn't tonight, because while Luke tries to fall asleep, Lorelai's wide awake, eyes darting back and forth, as she quickly ascertains that she's not going to fall asleep any time soon. The problem is that Luke doesn't have a television in his bedroom. Lorelai's freaked out by how quiet it is in his room, and how there's nothing to do while she's wide awake. Luke says he has a television, but not near the bed, because the bed is for sleeping. Luke says that watching television in bed is bad for your REM patterns. When I was in high school I had to fall asleep to music or television. I could have the television on, turned to something incredibly boring, and I'd be out. But mostly I'd play the same cassette tape every night to fall asleep. I still have it somewhere. I remember it started with Metallica's "Fade To Black," and then went to Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes" (taped from the radio, so at first there's some guy requesting the song, talking about how much he hated the movie Say Anything... but he really liked the song), and then went into Aerosmith's "Dream On" and Toad the Wet Sprocket's "Way Away" and then some song called "Pam Just Hit Puberty But Boys Don't Like Her Yet Because She's Too Geeky." That's a great song. Luke thinks late-night television can make you too anxious about the state of the world. Try listening to Peter Gabriel as you drift off without worrying the world. Lorelai says that sometimes Mel Brooks is on Charlie Rose, and he's so funny that you think about how wonderful the world is, that there's a Mel Brooks to fall asleep to. And then because I'm tired I'm all, "Mel Brooks is dead. The Bugs Bunny guy?" And then the other side of my brain goes, "No, Mel Brooks is the guy who's Rob Reiner's dad," which doesn't even make any sense, and then somehow I remember who Mel Brooks is, and how much my mom hates him. She hates him so much that she hates Albert Brooks, because she feels like they have to be related somehow, which makes me think that my mom hates Jews and then I can't sleep because I'm worried Mom's an anti-Semite. (Madonna: Music.) Luke has similar woes, explaining that listening to Mel Brooks as you drift off makes you dream of Nathan Lane-looking Nazis, which keeps you freaked out for days. Lorelai says that the worst ruiner of REM sleep is reading articles about REM sleep, and that the only way to prevent that is to have a television. They give a "Say Goodnight, Gracie," and scene. But Lorelai still can't sleep as we fade to opening credits.

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Gilmore Girls

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