Gilmore Girls
Dead Uncles And Vegetables

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C- | 1 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Dangers of Danielworld

Phone rings. Lorelai's message picks up. Lorelai runs down the stairs to answer the cordless phone. It's Emily. Close call; Lorelai almost answered the phone. Emily complains to the machine that she always gets the machine and she hates it. Lorelai makes smart-ass comments back to the answering machine. She tells Emily's voice that if Emily had her way she'd lock Lorelai and Rory up like veal: "That's what you want -- veal children." The phone rings; the machine picks up in one ring, and it's Emily again. She may hate answering machines, but Emily understands the redial button. She reminds Lorelai that her DAR meeting is on Tuesday. Lorelai talks right over Emily's babbling about how she'll remember the Tuesday DAR meeting long after she's too old to remember her own name or how to breathe without drooling. Emily hangs up and calls back again. Lorelai can't believe that Emily has called back a third time. Emily is complaining that Lorelai's phone message is rude and should be changed. Emily asks if Lorelai's heard how rude her message is lately. Lorelai tells the machine that she can't hear it because she's amputating her ears. Lorelai covers her ears with her hands and stumbles backwards towards the stairs. She runs up the stairs moaning, "Oh! An earless world! What a dream!" We fade to black as I mutter: "Daniel Palladino, I can smell your writing from a mile away."

Emily is tasting soup as Lorelai and Sookie watch. Lorelai complains that Emily has already tasted her soup twice. Emily says that you're supposed to taste everything three times. The first taste acclimates the palate, the second establishes foundation, and the third is to make the decision. Lorelai says that she's just supposed to taste the soups and not "orally deduce their chemical structures." Sookie says she's heard the three-taste rule before. Lorelai hates Sookie for being a traitor. Emily says that the women in her DAR group are very picky. She tells the story of the time a woman served a lousy pâté and was ostracized for a month. Lorelai says the hussy had it coming, and excuses herself to go back to work. Emily barks at Lorelai for trying to work at her job when she wants Lorelai to stand by and watch her sip soup. Lorelai says she's already giving Emily much more attention than someone deserves for soup tasting. Emily says she'll pay for the tasting. Lorelai says it's not necessary, but that she'd like Emily to decide on the soup in this calendar year. Sookie suggests the mushroom soup. She says it's "super-popular," and Jackson's favorite. Emily asks who Jackson is. I can't imagine that Emily has never heard of Jackson or wouldn't know that Sookie's getting married. Rory would certainly have told Emily on one of their five million Friday-night dinners. Wait, we haven't had one of those in a very long time. Suddenly, Lorelai decides to chat about bridesmaid dresses with Sookie. Sookie says she has a couple of ideas. Lorelai interrupts to say that she wants to design the bridesmaid dresses so that Sookie doesn't pick out something that Lorelai hates, causing Lorelai to secretly hate her forever. See? Right there you can see Daniel Palladino at work. Because that's a shitty thing Lorelai just did and not something you do when someone's getting married. She can offer to help, but not ask for the job while threatening to hate someone's personal style so much that they'll hold a grudge. Sookie lets Lorelai design the dresses, because Lorelai always gets her way even when it's someone else's wedding.

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Gilmore Girls

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