Luke's having a problem at the funeral home. The lid of the coffin won't close. Uncle Louie asked to be buried with many things -- so many things that now his coffin lid won't close. Wacky! Lorelai says he's got a nice tan. Right. Tan. Dead for four days. So tan. Lorelai asks to try and close the coffin. It bounces right back up. Luke says that's because of the football signed by Johnny Unitas. Lorelai asks to move the gas mask and the pith helmet down to Louie's feet. Luke says that space is already occupied by thousands of baseball cards. Louie must be a tiny man. Lorelai says they can tie it with bungee cord or have the accounting group sit on the lid so they could latch it. She says she's out of ideas. Luke is as well. I fall completely asleep. For real. The second episode in the history of Gilmore Girls during which I fall totally asleep right here and don't see the rest of the episode until the next morning. You win, Daniel Palladino. You win. You're stronger than I am. Luke says he can't deal with this anymore. He says that Louie doesn't deserve his help or respect. Lorelai reminds him that Louie was his uncle. Luke says he was a jerk. Everyone hated him because he was rotten, mean, and selfish all his life; now he's so selfish he's taking his rare baseball cards with him underground. The undertaker asks Luke to lower his voice. Luke screams that he's done and he's had it. He storms out, saying that from now on he just wants the bare minimum on this funeral. He tells the undertaker just to dig a big hole and dump the casket in. That's how most people behave when they're standing beside their dead relatives' bodies, isn't it? Lorelai tells the undertaker she assumes that Luke's request isn't appropriate. This entire episode isn't appropriate.
Diner. Jess fills the coffee cup of a woman I think just might be blind. Either that, or she's blinded by Jess's pecs, because that's what she stares at as she asks Jess where the young lady who speaks diner talk is today. She says it sounds fun. "Could you point her out for us?" "No," Jess says, and walks off. So rude! Everyone gets a spanking and a week's worth of being grounded. She must be blind, because there's nobody else at her table and she said "we." Jess drops the coffee pot down and says he'll be upstairs. Rory thanks him for doing the very least possible he could do. When does somebody have either school or a job around here? Isn't it Thursday?
Luke storms in. Lorelai says she was worried. He thanks her for covering again, and promises it'll be the last time. Lorelai asks what he was doing. He says he was walking around Hartford trying to calm down. He calls it a "cess pool." Lorelai says he's not a city man. He says he calmed down after a while and realized dumping Louie's body in a big hole might not be a nice thing to do. So, he called a Big and Tall casket company and ordered a bigger casket that would hold Louie and all of his things. The lid shut and now everything's fine. He says he still doesn't know why he's doing all of this. Lorelai reminds him that he's doing it for his father. Even though Luke's dad isn't around anymore, he's watching the Luke Channel somewhere and approving of how Luke's respecting his wishes. Luke says he's going to change quickly so that Lorelai can retire from her diner career forever. Lorelai says she's having fun and came up with new diner phrases. She made up a meal of foie gras, chicken, and shamrock frosting. Luke asks why anyone would order that. Lorelai says people who are high would love it.