Rory turns in her latest assignment using the old-school method of writing it on a piece of paper. They talk about the New Zoo Review, and I'm tempted to tell you I don't know who these animals are, but I'm still getting about twenty emails a day with links to Rory's portrait online and according to you guys the guy who died in the '80s was either the second lead singer for AC/DC or someone in Led Zeppelin. Instead, I'll tell you that I miss Gary Gnu from the Great Space Coaster. He was funny. Doyle bleeds red all over Rory's article, and tells Rory she's showing progress. Rory asks if this is some kind of hazing. Doyle says that this is how it works, and that it isn't personal. Rory whines that she rewrote the article four times and researched it thoroughly. Doyle tells her not to worry so much about the facts, and that what he's looking for his her opinion on the piece. I do believe this is how Stephen Glass got inspired. Doyle tells her not to worry, but to make sure this next one is good. And um, you know, whatever, end of scene.
Rory is taking her mom on a date to the next thing she has to review. This is a ballet. Lorelai is impressed with their fancy seats (which have the most elaborate golden "reserved" signs I've ever seen). Lorelai tries to pep-talk Rory, who is bummed about her recent non-published status. Lorelai: "You need chocolate." "Chocolate and talent," Rory adds. Rory says that she might have peaked in high school, and that she's not cut out for college papers. Lorelai reminds her that Yale is in a different league than the Chilton paper. As the lights go down, Lorelai tells Rory that she loves her important seats. And in their important seats in the front of the house, Lorelai and Rory begin talking not quietly about how much they dislike the ballet. We don't see it, but I guess the dancers stumble in the beginning, almost dropping each other, slipping all over the place. At least the other audience members are uncomfortable, too, but it might be because their production looks like an episode with Mystery Science Theatre 3000 with Lorelai and Rory chatting it up in front of them. Lorelai says that the dancer's kick to her partner gave new meaning to the word "Nutcracker." Rory giggles and writes that zinger down. Someone finally shushes them.
Cut to later, when Rory and Lorelai are stunned, still in their seats after the show has ended. They can't believe how terrible it was. "I'm in physical discomfort," Rory says. Lorelai concludes that the lead ballerina must not have any friends, or one of them might have told her about the roll of fat hanging over her bra strap. Rory wonders how many times she can use the word "blows" in an article before it becomes redundant. She could ask Jon Stewart, who recently used that word about four times in one episode to describe the third Matrix movie. ["And not too often, because seriously, really, it bloooooooows." -- Wing Chun] Rory says she has to write about her opinions in this article. Lorelai's opinion is that the end curtain came down way too slowly: "If Vincent Gallo could just see this, he'd feel a whole lot better about Brown Bunny." Boo, says Stee. I say that Vincent Gallo doesn't feel the slightest bit upset about Brown Bunny, and that it was Ebert that Palladino meant to reference.