Gilmore Girls
Die, Jerk

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Rory Tries Recapping

Previously doesn't matter because none of those storylines will be carried over here. I like that they include a segment with Michel so that we remember who he is.

We open at Friday dinner. Rory, Lorelai, and Richard are eating. Emily is missing from her seat. As Emily enters the room, Rory offers Richard more broccoli. Richard gloats that broccoli staves off the cancer. "Staves off my appetite," Lorelai quips. Emily tells her to eat more green things, so Lorelai promises to eat a five-dollar bill later. Rory says that the new twenties have a peach color in them. Lorelai is pleased, because eating one of those would now satisfy her requirements of both fruit and vegetables.

Rory asks about the trip to Atlantic City. Richard had a great time; Emily didn't. Emily complains that walking the boardwalk is like upending a trashcan in your yard and then traipsing through it. Richard uncharacteristically says the word "gross." Apparently, the trip was a success for their hooker-loving, gambling-addict clients. Lorelai and Rory wonder how much a hooker charges to talk to a client. "Depends on what they're doing when they're talking to you," Rory jokes, and Emily chastises Rory: "I expect that from your mother, but not you." Emily complains that Digger was in his element in that sleazy place, and wonders if their next outing together will be Spring Break in Cancun, doing shots off people's bellies. Lorelai complains about Emily's choice of words, adding that it's okay for Emily to do shots off of Richard's belly, because they are married. Richard gives Lorelai and Rory miniature roulette wheels they had made up, with the company logo on them. Emily complains about their tackiness, but Lorelai and Rory find the toys cute. "They're the antithesis of class," Emily complains. "So like Digger." Richard says that Digger prefers to be called "Jason" now, which is why I'll keep calling him "Digger."

Emily asks to change the subject, so Lorelai abruptly obliges by asking if they've read any of Rory's articles in the Yale student newspaper. A freshman gets stories printed in the Yale paper? I think not. Richard and Emily have somehow read them all already, and compliment Rory on her pieces. Rory explains that she's not even on staff yet, and that these are "tryout articles." She has to write one for every section, and if she passes, then she gets on staff. Richard compliments Rory's lacrosse article. (Too bad we don't get to see Rory pretend to know anything about sports, leaving her to have to call up CuteDean and ask for pointers.) Lorelai says that the article almost made her give a "flying you-know-what" about lacrosse. Emily says a sentence describing another one of Rory's articles that includes the words "quadrangle" and "divinity," so my brain shut off. Emily brags that she and Richard are laminating all of Rory's articles. I pause for a second, trying to figure out what it would look like if every article, interview, recap, or news blurb on me had been laminated. What would my mom do with all of that crap? Where would she keep it? How much does upkeep on a laminating machine cost? Would my mom always smell like hot plastic? Lorelai cheers, because she got her number on the roulette wheel, and you know that's the end of the scene even though they drag out another ten minutes of silence.

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Gilmore Girls

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