Gilmore Girls
Die, Jerk

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C | Grade It Now!
Rory Tries Recapping

Rory wants to re-review the ballet, because she can't stand the thought of someone not liking her for one teensy-weensy second! Doyle says they don't re-review things, and that the ballet closed early because of her review. Rory says she'll redo it from the ballet in her head. Doyle says that people are still talking about the review, which is rare. Rory offers to do a general-interest article on the lead ballerina -- the hippo -- who danced in Miami and almost got into Juilliard. Doyle calls that a yawn, and has a new assignment for Rory. Shouldn't Rory be changing departments again, now that she did one correctly? Doyle says that when he was Rory's age, he reviewed a clog-dancing team that was truly bad, and he was merciless: "Hurting people's feelings is what we do." Rory says that when she becomes a journalist, she won't be writing about people who live in her building. Doyle says she is a real journalist, writing for the Yale paper, and that if she can't handle it, she should leave. Rory says she doesn't want to leave. She kicks off the strummy-strummy-la-la as she takes the assignment and leaves.

MamaLane tells Lane that dinner will be a little late tonight, because her gluten patties caught fire, and now they're having spaghetti and wheat balls. Lane tells MamaLane that she didn't mail the jug to Dave because she can't. She says that Dave is her first boyfriend and important to her, and that his being in California is hard, but has brought them closer together, but that they're still in school, and while she respects the jug and all it represents -- all of those hopes and tradition -- she's not ready to give Dave the jug. "Okay," MamaLane says, carrying the jug to the clearance table. "You're selling my marriage jug?" Lane asks, incredulous. MamaLane has never heard of a marriage jug. Lane tells her how MamaLane had pointed at it when she was little and said that the jug was for when she got married someday. MamaLane says that she probably told Lane that to get her to stop crying, since she was always crying, giving MamaLane a headache. It's just a jug: "I've got tons of them; they're hard to move." She offers to make this a marriage jug, if that's what Lane wants. Lane says that's not necessary. MamaLane says that she'll send something else to Dave. She runs off to tend to her wheat balls. Lane leaves the marriage jug on the clearance table, instead of taking it up to her room to give to Dave some other day.

Rory shows up at the theatre again to review "some music thing." But this time, she's even more annoying. She's on her cell phone! Great time to be chatty. Rory's already the dickiest, meanest critic in Yale's history. In a fight over who's a shittier person, Lorelai tells Rory that she's not going back to Luke's for a while, since he's seeing stupid Nicole and refuses to divorce her just because Lorelai said so. Lorelai is cleaning her kitchen. In four years, I've never seen this woman open a cabinet and put something in it. It's so strange that it's jarring. Lorelai actually says that this is Luke's problem, and that he's got to realize that whoever is in his life is also in hers. Rory asks if Lorelai's going to tell Luke about Digger, and how something's happening there. Lorelai scoffs, but then asks if it'd be crazy if she dated Digger. "A little," Rory says. That only makes it more interesting to Lorelai, if it would make her daughter unhappy, too. Rory says that she and the ballerina won't ever be friends, but at least Sandra's stopped threatening Rory. Rory talks on the phone all the way until when the lights go down. Rudeness! Rory's immediately unhappy with the production, which opens with a crappy rendition of "Michael, Row the Boat Ashore." What lab theatre is Rory hanging out in? Because Yale has a fucking conservatory, and is one of the most coveted acting programs in the nation. It is where Actors, with capital letters, are born. Whatever.

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Gilmore Girls




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